Stop Trying to be Perfect Because Your Best is Good Enough
Photo by Luis Hernandez
Are you tired out trying to be perfect, instead of just being happy to do your best in life?
If so, it’s time to ease the stress and stop your endless pursuit of perfection.
Chasing perfection is exhausting.
We put ourselves under unbearable pressure when we aim to be the perfect version of who we are.
And, this quest can only bring disappointment… because being perfect is an impossible dream.
For many years, I wasted far too much time and energy trying to be the perfect son/ pupil/ student/ employee/ friend, etc. I’d go above and beyond what was necessary so I could achieve what I thought was perfection in these areas of my life.
I held myself up to sky-high standards that no one else judged me on. I didn’t want to be less-than-perfect in anything I did.
These were precious moments which would’ve been so much better devoted to being myself.
That is, someone who does their best, rather than someone always trying to be perfect.
I realized that it’s ok not to be perfect, because doing your best is good enough.
Are You a Perfectionist?
I guess you could call me a ‘recovering perfectionist’.
There are many people out there who’d say they were perfectionists. Maybe you’re one as well.
Perfectionists don’t simply want to do their best. No, that would be far too easy.
They want to go beyond what is seen as exceptional. Yet, even this will never be enough. For perfectionists are never content with what they produce. They think they could always have done a better job in some way.
No level of achievement can ever satisfy the perfectionist.
The Pursuit of Perfection is a Wild Goose Chase
It’s like hunting for the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Perfection is an illusion.
We have a vague idea of what ‘being perfect’ looks like but, when we get close, the idea moves somewhere else. The bar keeps getting raised, and the goalposts are forever moving.
We can never catch up with perfection, never have it in our grasp.
This is why constantly going after perfection is a great strain on us, both physically and mentally. There is no break from pushing yourself on. No chance to be happy with what you’ve done.
If you always try to be perfect, doing your best is never good enough.
Giving Up On Perfection Doesn’t Mean Settling for Less
Some people might say that it’s selling yourself short not to strive to be perfect in life; that a person lacks ambition if they don’t seek personal perfection at all times.
But, when does the perfectionist ever stop seeking a higher level of performance? When have they ever done enough?
I’m not suggesting you aim low in life, or that you don’t try your utmost to get what you set out to achieve. You should always put your heart and soul into everything you do.
Being half-hearted will only ever give you less than 50% of what is possible.
What I do think is that having an attitude where being perfect is the only option will inevitably lead to unhappiness and a lack of fulfilment in life.
Think of it this way: When you set yourself the target of doing your best, you will never fall short. If you’ve tried your best at something, you’ve succeeded in trying your best – no matter what else happens. Any other desired outcome follows on as a result of this fact.
You might not get the good result you hoped for, but you still did everything you could. That can’t be taken away from you.
This can be a great comfort to us.
When things go wrong, at least you did your best.
I’m sure you’ve consoled yourself with this morale booster many times. It has a bitter-sweet taste, though it still remains true.
When you give up on trying to be perfect, you gain freedom.
You can rest reassured with the knowledge that you did everything you possibly could to achieve a positive outcome.
No one – not even you – should expect any more from you than that.
What do you think about the pursuit of perfection? Is doing your best in life good enough?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.
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I love perfectionists. They make me giggle a little. They love the details, then get so boggled down in the details they forget the point, and then they eventually miss out on the “why.” Because without the purpose what’s the point? Right?
You are right on the money! In my belief system there is no such thing as perfection, and no life worth living is based on being perfect. A perfect life is a boring life. If there are no accidents, no struggles, no “aw crap I gotta start over again?”… then there would be no better ideas, no compassion, and nothing to get over to lead to something better.
I believe the pursuit of potential better than the pursuit of perfection. There are amazing people out there who aren’t perfect, and who live amazing lives. It’s the flaws that we should take notice because it creates our character, and people will always remember characters.
Okay, that was a little more than I thought I would say. This post just inspired me to run on, Love it. Keep it coming.
Hi Leon,
Thank you for dropping by and leaving your comment.
When I used to go after perfection, I had an idea of what I thought it looked like. I’d keep on doing a little more, then a little more… and so it would go on. It usually wasted time, because the original result was good enough in the first place!
I like your emphasis on pursuing potential. Everyone can do that. There’s no impossible standard to meet, just your own personal best.
Our flaws are, indeed, what makes us individuals. Polish and improve them by all means, but aim for the best rather than the perfect.
I so resonated with this post and it is so timely for me. I am a perfectionist, or should I say was. I’ve been working on letting go of the habit of perfection. I know it has been the stumbling block for me to finish anything in my life. My expectations have been so high that I don’t bother finishing because I don’t want to disappoint myself. This was something I only recently realized about myself.
I love the idea of just doing the best I can. I can be any better that that.And yes, I agree that is a big step towards freedom.
Peace & Blessings,
Tania
Hi Tania,
I can identify with the scenario of not finishing something because you might be let down with the end result! It applies just as well to the times we don’t even start it in the first place. We put ourselves under such incredible pressure to over-produce the goods that we lose all sense of proportion.
Our best effort usually gives us the best we can achieve in our endeavors. Stress and disappointment come when we expect more… after all, what more can there be greater than our best?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
I sound just like Tania. A perfectionist takes a long time to finish something, because they are always trying to make it perfect, but “perfection is an illusion.” I, too, don’t finish (or start) things, because I am afraid to let myself down. But, we let ourselves down by giving up.
I was pursuing writing when my third child was born, and on my fifth assignment. I got scared. That is the only way I can explain it. I look back on all the years I wasted by giving up. I do not regret sacrificing for my kids. I just regret that I didn’t try to do both.
I am on the road to making decisions on what I really want to do/be in life, as well as being a wife and mother, Lord willing. <3
Hi Millie,
Being scared when faced with new challenges is an understandable reaction, so try not to beat yourself up about it. You might not have pursued your writing back then, but I’m sure you weighed it up and decided it was best for you at the time. And it’s never too late to pursue it again.
You sound as if you’re taking stock of your goals and ambitions, and are motivated to take action. That’s a very positive and self-empowering position to be in.
Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with us. I’m sure your story will encourage others.
This has been a very significant topic in my life. I’ve come down to this – it works for me:
Instead of practicing perfectionism, practice “striving for excellence”.
What’s the difference?
Perfectionism means you are shooting for a standard that you think others expect of you. (Good luck with that one. You’ll be chasing star dust.)
Striving for Excellence is shooting for the standard that is your best. You’ll reach it when you have given “your all”, when you’ve overcome the desire to give up and have given that last ounce of you..
Hi Amy,
I was thinking of this area as I wrote the article. People tend to blur what it means to strive for excellence and striving for perfection.
I’m totally for the idea of aiming for excellence. Doing this makes sure we’re always putting in our very best efforts. It might be a subtle difference, but striving for perfection is much more than exellence.
In fact, it’s very difficult to even define what achieving ‘perfection’ is in any activity. Your idea will surely be different from mine and the next persons. Start dust indeed!
Many thanks for joining in the discussion.
What a great pep talk for self acceptance. :) I used to be all hung up in the perfection net, and it was very limiting. Once I started to understand that perfection is like a big tangle that you get caught up in so you can’t swim free, I began dropping many of my expectations, and amazingly, I discovered talents and skills I didn’t know I had. Perfection separates us from the part of ourselves that can truly shine. Thank you for this powerful reminder!
Hi Ande,
Thank you for your comment.
Rather than being a lofty goal to aspire to, aiming for perfection can hold us back. It limits by imposing a standard on us to reach before we even begin to tackle the task in hand.
I’m glad you discovered your hidden talents when you eased up on chasing perfection. Unlocking new abilities in ourselves is always a brilliant feeling, isn’t it? ;-)
Perfectionism??? Not in my DNA! I have ADHD. On the other hand my husband is a perfectionist and an accountant so I suppose that’s what makes him a good one. However he had to learn to not expect me to do things perfectly and I had to clean up my act for him. So somewhere in the middle we meet.
Hi Tess,
That sounds like a ‘perfect’ situation! ;-) Working out a happy middle ground that recognizes each of your attitudes helps set both your expectations. I hadn’t really thought of what it would be like when a perfectionist and non-perfection come together.
Many thanks for leaving your comment.
Hi Scott,
It is easy to confuse doing our best with perfection. We may feel that if what we do is not perfect, it is not our best. I think the key here is balance. Effort + Acceptance = Our Best. We need to realize we are human and to do all we can that is within our ability. But this is only one part of the equation. I believe that God helps those who help themselves. After we have done all that we possibly can, we need to be able to accept it, even if it is not perfect, and leave the rest to higher powers. There are many things that are beyond our control and this is a fact of life that we have to accept. But once we do, we will make greater progress in our endeavours simply because we are no longer striving for impossible perfection.
Thank you for sharing this much needed article. What you have covered is for the best! ;)
Irving the Vizier
Hi Irving,
Thank you for adding your views.
You mention an attitude that is important in many areas of our life: Acceptance. It’s also a tricky one to get the hang of.
Accepting that our best is good enough eases the pressure on us to perform to an impossible level. Accepting that there are things outwith our control, in turn, helps us accept the end result.
Acceptance of who we are and what we can do lifts a heavy burden from us… a weight which means we can never rest or
be satisfied with anything we can ever achieve. That’s a tough strain to always be under.
We all strive for this perfection perception – truth is we’re already perfect….iwhat we call ME. Celebrate that and you’ll be perfectly you and that’s all any of us have to be.
Hi John,
The cause of much distress in our lives is the fact many of us find it difficult to appreciate ourselves. We don’t seem able to give ourselves a moment’s rest to reflect on and appreciate who we are. It’s a good investment to spend time regularly doing just that.
Thanks for sharing these simple – but wise – words.
“When you give up on trying to be perfect, you gain freedom.”
Yes. I think we gain the FREEDOM to actually appreciate what we’ve achieved, something that gets lost in a constant (and futile) pursuit of perfection.
Hi Miss Britt,
Why is it we find it so difficult to appreciate our own achievements, yet we can be so quick to acknowledge those of others? Some ‘self-celebration’ would be just the best thing for us!
It’s good to hear your thoughts – thank you for sharing them here.
Hi Scott – I’m a recovering perfectionist and this post resonates so much with me!
In the past, not only I didn’t finish projects because I thought they would never be as good as I wanted them to be (i.e. perfect), but I cannot even count all the projects I never even started because of that reason!
Now I have a small card on my desk, by the laptop, and it reads:
It’s OK to be imperfect
I’m allowed to be imperfect
I give myself permission to be imperfect
I give myself permission to make mistakes
I give myself permission to enjoy the process
I give myself permission to have fun
This may sound very simplistic, but it works for me – every time I feel stuck I read it :)
“When you give up on trying to be perfect, you gain freedom” – Amen to that!
Hi Cristina,
Ah, the ‘permanent procrastination of perfectionism’… Been there; Seen it; Done it!
I love the sentiments of your card: I give myself permission to be imperfect. Giving ourselves permission to do anything can be an ultra-powerful weapon. It’s the starting point for really doing great things…
Many thanks for stopping by with your comment.
I like the distinction you make between ‘Perfectionism’ and ‘Doing your Best’.
I’ve always felt a strong pull towards perfectionism. But whenever I buy into that I end up blocked, frustrated, and focused on the gap between what I’ve produced and what my ‘perfect ideal’ was.
When I successfully focus on just doing my best, more gets done with much less grief, satisfaction comes more easily, and even if the results might be less than I’d hoped, I usually learn something.
Hi Dave,
The sometimes huge gap between our best efforts and our ‘perfect ideal’ can certainly cause disatisfaction. It can be demoralizing. That’s why we can help ourselves by accepting that our best efforts are all that is needed.
Also, as you describe so well, we get a whole lot more of a positive experience out of an activity when we ditch the drive to be perfect. That’s a big weight off our back!
Thank you for sharing your views – it’s good to see you again.
Really, great way to look at it. I am not a perfectionist at all and I think if you wait for perfection it will never come. If you wait for perfection, you will never get it done. I am a huge believer in under produced.
Dave
Hi Dave,
As you say, we’ll wait forever if we look for perfection. And what a waste of time that is…
Many thanks for joining in the discussion.
I enjoyed reading this blog. There are so many things I would love to do but because I believe I couldn’t do it perfect I wont try. I did a Quality Assurance course some years back and failed it on the maths side. Maths was never my thing and the maths were way out of my league. I decided to study hard again and go back and give it another go. Well I failed again and I decided I had done my best and it wasn’t good enough so I gave up. My family all tried to console me by telling me “You did your best and that’s all you can do” and although they were trying to console me a voice inside my head was telling me “Well if you did your best and failed then your best was not good enough so you are not very bright”. I think this has held me back doing things I would love to do. That big fear of failure and my best not being good enough still haunts me. I am 50 now and I lost my job last year so I need to try and put this fear behind me in order to change my career and do what I really want to do. I would love to write for a living. I hope I don’t waste any more time trying to be perfect.
Hi Ann,
Thank you for taking the time to tell of your experiences.
I can imagine it took some courage to go back to face the course again. But, you faced up to it and tackled it. To me, that shows determination – a quality that is to be admired. Many people wouldn’t even have risked putting themselves through the process for a second time.
There are some things in life that come easier to us than others. For you, that’s Maths. OK, you failed the course because of this, but I’m sure you learned other skills and knowledge which you can make use of in the future.
And try to bear in mind that failing one specific course does not make you a failure generally. No one succeeds at everything: at least you tried. The failure would have been never to have tried again.
This ‘new world’ you find yourself in is an opportunity to follow your passion, your love of writing. Throw yourself into it wholeheartedly and with the determination you’ve shown before… and you’ll be doing something you really want to do. Who knows where that will take you!
I like your point about being satisfied you tried the best you can.
From my perspective, ultimately, regret does not come from failure. It comes from the realization that we really didn’t do as much as we could or should have.
Perfection is a concept that I’m unsure is based on reality. What perhaps is based on reality is giving it a really true effort.
Hi Bamboo Forest,
The vicious circle of chasing perfection is that we always feel that there is more we could and should have done. So, we try to do ever more. This surely only leads to constant regret.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Great topic, Scott.
It took me many years to realize that my best was good enough. I’ve lightened up considerably on myself. Perfection kept me from trying new things. Now I do my level best and know that I will improve with practice, consistency and keeping an open mind. Best of all, I’m not too concerned about what other people think. My guidestick comes from within.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Hi Marianne,
Doing your level best is the ultimate you can do. When you start off with that mindset, rather than the urge to do everything perfectly, you find that you’re not held back.
We all know when we’ve tried our very best… As you say, we don’t need other folk’s opinions on what this is.
Many thanks for giving us your approach.
Love. Relate to the Nth. Comments as good as post. Thanks to all. Recovering Perfectionists of the World Unite! And just do your best… and enjoy the doing. Ahhhhhh….
Hi Jeanne,
I love the battle cry! Just enjoy the doing, indeed.
Thank you for adding your own thoughts to the wonderful discussion here.
I stand nobody is perfect. It is unrealistic to think that you can be absolutely perfect. In fact, you should expect to commit mistakes from time to time. Why? Sometimes we are not even aware of our mistakes. And perhaps, it will help you to see that making mistakes is simply part of the learning process, not to be perfect someday but to excel in your own ways.
Hi there,
Mistakes are a necessary side effect of taking action. Without mistakes, we can’t really learn. It’s a very worthwhile goal to want ‘to excel in your own ways’. That’s definitely achievable, as it’s a unique goal where we don’t ever have to compare ourselves to others.
Thank you for joining in the discussion.
“When you give up on trying to be perfect, you gain freedom.”
The best line!!!
I simply would say for me perfection is not an illusion. I already have achieved perfection the day I gave my best. Its just that I believe in that doing my best is PERFECT.
I quote ” Its the imperfections of a person that make him perfect.”
Hi Kiran,
Thank you for taking the time to share that quote – true words, indeed.
You have a great attitude… there’s so much less pressure on you when you already know you’re giving things your best shot.
Scott,
Wow! This article is a copy cat of a conversation I had with my wife a few months back. I too was seeking perfection. She pointed out that I was judging myself based on rules that didn’t even exist. I have to tell you the freedom I have felt since then has been wonderful. Your article is quite an encouragement to me. It’s great to know that its okay to go and just do your best.
Regards,
Jon Wilburn
Hi Jon,
I’m really pleased the article helped you.
I know what you mean… we seem to hold ourselves to so many rules that no one ever laid down for us. And, it’s an unecessary limitation on us. Just throw away that imaginary rule book!
It’s great to hear of your experience – thank you for sharing it with us.
but what if my best isn’t good enough?, that means that im not good at whatever im doing.
thats gonna make me feel worse then, that all i want to live for and do for the rest of my life is something that im not good at.
Hi Ossama,
I guess it depends what you mean when you say ‘good enough’. Who’s definition of good enough are you using?
When you first start doing something, you need to practice and learn the ropes. Hardly anyone begins a new interest or job being the best they’re going to eventually be. If you love what you’re doing, you’ll be a lot more likely to put the effort into becoming ‘good’ at it. That’s what your best is… aiming to perform at the top level you can. No more, no less.
And, there’s no rule that says you have to give up something you love to do because you’re not good at it. For example, you might be a shockingly bad soccer player but, if you love playing it, find other shockingly bad team mates – and just play!
I really appreciate you leaving your thoughts here.
I think we often set ourselves up for disappointment, by referring to the achievements of others as what should be expected of us, even though our skills and competencies may lie elsewhere. Possibly this stems from childhood where we are encouraged to be top of the class. That reminds me of an incident in the early years of high school when a friend scored 97% in an exam. His mother’s response was “what happened to the other 3 percent?”, so external pressure from an early age can also condition us into aiming for unrealistic goals.
Hi Beatrice,
It’s true that we can become victims of expectation from our earliest years. I’m sure family and friends are only trying to encourage us by setting high standards for us, but this can lead to real pressure to achieve the impossible.
As children we are all good at something, and not-so-good at others. The tightrope act is to encourage the child to do better, but not to make them feel inadequate when they’re already doing their best.
Thank you for offering your thoughts on this.
Scott,
I’m anything but a perfectionist. However, I just put up my first video and almost didn’t because it’s not “professional looking.” I’ve wanted to do this for 2 years and never did because I’m critical of becoming ‘old.’ I’m 57. LOL
I made a deal with Lance at Jungle of Life. We’d both have our first video up by May 31. Did it and got a ton of wonderful remarks. I did it with my flip, and no magical equipment. Now I’m fired up to post videos regularly. Oh and I didn’t edit it because I don’t know how.
Readers said they want real and unedited stuff…moral of story…I’ve stopped myself for 2 years!!!
What’s the difference between perfectionism and criticism???
Wait I should know that I’m a retired shrink!
Hi Tess,
I’m sure many of us can identify with not doing something because we couldn’t face the end result being anything less than perfect. I wonder how many great achievements have gone unrealised for that reason? There’s a refreshing honesty about things that are done with a ‘rough and ready’ style, rather than in an overproduced fashion.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Hi Scott
You are truely one inspiring man ! You seriously don’t understand what you have just done for me. You have saved my life =D
Thank You !!