13 Things You Can Do Right Now to Avoid a Lifetime of Regrets
Photo by brainware3000
It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret” ~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee, US athlete
Do you have regrets about anything you’ve done?
Have you ever regretted not doing something?
Those things you did or didn’t do. Those words you did or didn’t say.
Many of us have experienced the feeling of regret in our lives.
I know I have.
I would find myself replaying in my mind all those things I really wish I’d said or done at the time, but let slip by. I’d ask myself: “If only I’d …” and “What if I’d …”. It’s always a pointless, frustrating, and thoroughly depressing way to think.
Now, I’ve come to realize that regrets are a total waste of time.
When you constantly look back at what you should – or shouldn’t – have done, you’re never happy with what you actually did achieve. You’ll be forever haunted by disappointment. You’ll mourn for what might’ve been, rather than celebrating what you have now.
Regrets keep you imprisoned in the past, stuck firmly in situations you can’t change. No matter how much you desperately want the outcome to be different, history can’t be re-written.
Instead, I’ve been learning (and still am) how to have as few regrets as possible. What follows are some tips which help me. I hope you find them useful too.
1. Choose to reject regret
Having regrets is a choice we make. You can stay focussed on how you did or didn’t act yesterday and let it affect you in a negative way today. This mindset holds you back. Alternatively, you can look ahead and use what has already happened to influence your future decisions. This attitude pushes you onwards. I choose not to dwell on regrets. Do you?
2. Change your outlook
When I fail at something, it’s ok because I use the failure to learn what went wrong and apply these lessons the next time I try. If I miss an opportunity, it’s fine because the circumstances obviously weren’t right for me at that precise moment. I believe that more suitable opportunities will come around again. Try consciously viewing things from a positive, forward-thinking perspective and you’ll stay less stuck in the past with your regrets.
3. Be true to yourself
Are you nervous at the thought of being yourself? Many people worry needlessly over what others will think and say about them. They live according to what others expect, just so they don’t lose face or go down in their estimations. Unfortunately, this also stops us from doing what we want for ourselves. Start making decisions based on what the ‘real you’ needs, not the persona you’ve created for everyone else’s eyes. You’ll have fewer regrets if you’re true to yourself in every part of your life.
4. Do what’s right for you
To avoid having regrets, always make the final decision based on your own best interests. I’m not talking about being selfish in a nasty way but, rather, that you fully value yourself in everything you do. By all means, listen to the views of people you trust. Take into account their advice and opinions as you weigh up the pros and cons of a situation. But, ultimately it’s you who has to live with the consequences of whatever you decide to do.
5. Aim for high standards
What you stand for is important – the values and ethics that guide you. Never betray your integrity or compromise your personal moral code in anything you do. More than likely, you’ll lose the respect of those around you if you ignore your own principles. Indeed, you’ll almost certainly lose your self-respect and that can be extremely difficult to deal with. Knowing that you acted with a clear conscience is a lot easier to deal with than behaving in an unscrupulous manner.
6. Follow the best course of action
Have you ever looked back at a situation and wished you hadn’t taken the easy way out? The temptation is to settle for the option that gives us the least hassle or the one that saves the most time. But, often that isn’t what’s best for us. The things worth having the most usually involve the greatest effort on our part. For our sense of achievement, it’s a good idea to stretch and challenge ourselves occasionally. Take a few risks, climb some metaphorical mountains, push your limits. You don’t want to feel the pang of regret that you never got anywhere because you didn’t at least try.
7. Follow your dreams
What’s your dream? It might be to do with work: maybe you want to find a job you love; become a freelancer; set up your own business, or switch careers. Or it could be you’d like to travel; or write your first book, or something equally special. We all have dreams – some are big and ambitious, while others are small and more realistic. No matter … go after it. Research what practical steps you must take to turn the fluffy dream into a concrete reality. Be prepared to be in it for the long-term as success rarely happens overnight. Persevere. It’s heartbreaking when you give up on a dream. It’s an even bigger tragedy when you don’t give it a proper shot.
8. Treasure your good health
Being fit and well is a true blessing that most folk don’t fully appreciate until they lose it. My dad suffered a major stroke that left him disabled, unable to walk without a stick. What was his biggest regret? Not making the most of the years when he was healthy, he said. Think about all the stuff you would be forced to miss out on without good health. For me recently, I spent a few weeks out of action in hospital and felt very frustrated at being limited in what I could do. Squeeze every drop of benefit from being fit and well, right now while you can. The day will arrive – sooner or later – when you’ll need to slow down. You might end up wishing you’d done a lot more while you were able.
9. Trust your intuition
How many times have you looked back at a choice you made and thought: “I should have gone with my gut feeling”? We’ve all got a natural instinct about whether or not something is right for us. Start paying attention to this inner voice. Trust what your intuition is telling you. If you have a bad feeling about a situation, be cautious about your next step. Of course, you might still get it wrong after going with your gut instinct. But, at least, you’ll learn and fine tune how you react in the future. When events don’t turn out exactly the way you’d hoped for, avoid falling into the self-blame trap: you did what you judged to be right for you at the time. Try to accept that fact and don’t beat yourself up for getting it wrong. No one can predict the future, not even you.
10. Find your ideal work/ life balance
Unless you’re careful, work can have a negative impact on the rest of your life. You put in extra hours, stay late at the office, or bring the job back with you through the front door. Even when you’re self-employed or work at home, it’s important to have a divide that protects your social life. If you don’t, pretty soon work pressures will eat into the quality time you spend with others. Having a strong work ethic is great, but not when it’s at the expense of your health or relationships. You won’t ever be able to recover those precious moments you missed out on with family and friends because you were too busy.
11. Express yourself freely
Too many of us aren’t comfortable in sharing our feelings with others. We try to keep the peace by pushing our emotions to one side, bottling them up until they explode during an argument or, worse, until the resentment we hold inside makes us ill. On the opposite side, telling people how much they mean to us is often just as awkward. Words are left unsaid. We end up desperately wishing that we’d spoken up sooner. Instead of hiding what you really want to say, practice how to express yourself more freely. Be positive, diplomatic and constructive while putting your points across. This spirit of openness will either make or break the relationship. Sometimes, you have to let go of the unhealthy ones before they do any more damage.
Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished.” ~ Og Mandino, American essayist
12. Put relationships first
Having a pile of money, flash cars and the latest gadgets is all well and good, but these have a temporary value. After all, it’s possible to buy newer and shinier replacements for the old ones. But, it’s much more difficult – impossible even – to replace a loving relationship or a wonderful friendship once they’ve gone. Material things come and go, but it’s our deep bonds with other people that really matter the most. We become so busy and pre-occupied with our own lives, that we let once-great friendships wither and die due to neglect. Take a moment to remember all the friends you’ve let drift away simply because you lost touch. Sad, isn’t it? Cherish those relationships you have just now. Build lasting friendships. Devote as much of your energy and time as you can to the folk closest to you. Above all – never take your loved ones for granted.
13. Enjoy life!
Have you given up on being happy and settled for merely getting by? Many people don’t allow themselves to experience joy. Ease up on worrying – it never solves anything. Worry is like a huge weight on your back, dragging you down. Laugh loudly and be silly. Explore what true happiness actually is for you, rather than accepting a pale imitation. The biggest regret you can have is not enjoying your life to the full when you had the chance.
Regrets are a natural response to what’s happened to us in the past. Let them go. You can’t change what’s already been. But you can choose how you act from now on so you have as few regrets as possible in the future.
How do you deal with regrets?
Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.
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Hi Scott,
I don’t have any deep regrets. My friend wishes she had written, danced, sang and learned to play the piano. She worked so hard for others but didn’t have enough good laughs along the way. I intend to be true to myself and those around me.
Of course, there may be down sides to this approach but it is worth it. Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to some people while other doors to relationships open and these experiences help you learn to be your true self. We are here on the planet to be true to ourselves and leave our unique mark behind. Thanks for the reminder.
Hi Juliette,
We can be so pre-occupied with doing the best by others that we do the worst by ourselves. Everyone – you included – ends up unhappy.
Being honest and true to ourselves can be difficult in relationships. Especially if we haven’t been used to doing this and suddenly start sharing how we really feel. The other person might react negatively. We can’t control folks’ reaction to us … only our own. What’s the alternative? Always hiding your true feelings in a situation will only lead to you wishing you’d spoken up for yourself sooner.
Thank you for stopping by with your comment.
Hi Scott,
There are many things I wished I’d done in the past.
I really wish I hadn’t been so lazy and let all those golden opportunities pass me by. I’m a big procrastinator and feel that this has held me back throughout my life. What could I have achieved had I only put in the extra effort? I’ll never know, and that’s my biggest regret.
Hi Phil,
It’s good that you can the ways in which your previous attitude has affected how you feel now. The crucial thing is that you can change this- right from this second. It’s true that you’ll never know what you could have achieved had you gone after those opportunities – whether good or bad. But, you can move on and follow up on the other opportunities which arise from here on in.
I’m grateful to you for sharing your thoughts here.
Scott,
Good article. I agree with you 100% about the pointlessness of worry. It never solves anything and leaves us stressed out. We’d be a lot more productive if we took action and spent less time thinking. Just my opinion.
Hi Alex,
Worry solves nothing. I totally believe this. Along with having regrets, worrying is one of the greatest drains on our time, energy and emotions. In all these things, taking action is so much more productive.
Many thanks for sharing your opinion with us.
Hey Scott
You’ve made very challenging points in your examination of regrets.
# 10 (Find your ideal work/life balance) is a constant struggle for me. I work 9-5, or I should say that’s what I’m contracted for. It never works out that way as I’m stuck at my desk way after I should have gone home. There never seems to be enough hours to get through my workload. Even though I put in these extra hours, the same thing happens each evening.
This situation causes friction between my wife and me because we’re not spending quality time together. I’m either too tired or irritable to relax properly. I know it’s an issue so it needs taking care of- I’ve got to deal with it for the sake of good relations.
Hi Ross,
You’ve described the effects of a less-than-ideal work/ life balance very clearly. All aspects of relationships suffer: the quality of the time you spend with others, the ways you connect and the things you do together. Please let us know how you get on trying to get a better mix between your job and home life.
Thank you for leaving your comment.
Hey there!
Thank you for such a thought provoking post. My view was that everyone had regrets but I’d never considered that it’s possible to positively change how we see our past mistakes. It kinda makes perfect sense the fact that we can choose whether or not to be held back by what we’ve already done. It’s a very liberating idea ;)
Most of my regrets are about how I’ve treated other people, friends mostly. There was a period while I was in college that I had a group of fantastic friends. We were always there for each other – good or bad. When I left college, I got caught up in the busy rush of my life and slowly lost touch with my girlfriends. Now there’s only a handful left of what was a great set of friends. Like you say, friendships last forever if you take care of them.
I appreciate your tips.
Hi Kerri,
Sometimes all it takes is a quick email, phone call (or letter … now that really would be a personal touch) to keep a valuable friendship alive. There’s nothing quite as powerful as being able to rely on a strong network of friends who go way back in time. I’ve let quite a few strong friendships drift away simply through neglect. It’s something that didn’t need to happen.
I’m sure many other readers will recognize the situation you describe – thank you for sharing it with us.
I think it’s all about balance.
- You don’t want to have regrets because you sacrificed friendships. But, equally, you don’t want to regret keeping a friendship alive that you need to walk away from.
- You don’t want to regret following other people’s advice when you should have ignored their words of wisdom.
- You don’t want to miss out on following a dream. But, equally, you don’t want to regret chasing after rainbows.
Practice until you find the right balance. You’ll make mistakes but who doesn’t :-)
The key is to weigh up the possible options available to you at the time, then take the most appropriate route. Once you step out on your desired path, never look back… only see what lies in front. This philosophy works for me.
Best, Garry G.
Hi Garry,
Finding a balance that’s right for ourselves is important in all areas of life. It’s what works for you as an individual that matters most – what might be too much for me could be too little for someone else. I like the idea of not looking back once you decide upon a course of action. As they say, hindsight is a wonderful thing!
I appreciate you making your thoughtful points.
This is thoughtful advice. You mention that we should always do what’s right for ourselves and we shouldn’t think of it as being selfish. I guess we’re all guilty of putting our own needs last in line while tending to everyone else first. Moms are specially likely to do this with our focus being on caring for the family.
I admit that acting in my own best interests doesn’t come easy to me. With my kids growing up and approaching adulthood, they no longer require my support in quite the same way as before. This should allow me to move a tad more into the center of the decisions I take. Until I become a grandmother that is!
Hi Heather,
There does seem to be a sense of guilt that comes when we try to put ourselves first. It’s not necessary. We need to stop seeing it as selfishness and, instead, look on it as safeguarding our own wellbeing. In turn, this makes us stronger and more able to help others.
Many thanks for joining in the discussion.
Hello Scott
“Regrets. I’ve had a few but, then again, too few to mention” as the words of the Frank Sinatra song goes.
Sure I’ve got regrets about things that happened in the past. I’d bet that nearly every single person has at least one regret about what they’ve done. There’s many more things that I’m pleased I did while the chance presented itself. The gratitude I feel toward the successes overpowers the regrets.
I enjoyed reading your post.
Hi Kathy,
I guess when we take a step back and think over the good things we have, the regrets of the past fade. Regrets are raw at the time, but their power over us lessens – especially when we focus on the ups in our lives.
Thank you for leaving your thoughts … and for the musical interlude! ;-)
Hi,
Numbers 3 & 8 really made me stop and think about how I cope with regrets.
3. Be true to yourself: This is a big deal for me. Covering up who you really are never turns out well and leads to disappointment. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be honest with family and friends, but so many people hide their real selves away from the rest of the world. My motto in life is “Be yourself and be damned”. If people can’t or won’t accept me for who I am that’s their problem. Period.
8. Treasure your good health: I get this – I damaged my back in an accident last year and had to be taken to the Emergency Room. The injury took 3 months to repair and it was the most depressing time. Not able to go out, not able to visit friends, not able to drive. I went stir crazy. What a relief it was when I felt better and could escape my home prison. Appreciate the ability we have to go about our business due to good health. Because when it goes, it hits hard.
Thank you for sharing this helpful advice.
Hi Leona,
We all fall into the trap of hiding our true selves from time to time. If we end up never being true to who we are then we can never achieve what we really want, deep down – we settle for second best.
It’s great to hear you recovered from your accident. There’s nothing more demoralizing than being forced out of action, unable to be independent. Enjoy your good health.
I’m pleased that you shared your experiences here.
Thanks for this good post, Scott. I think there are always things we would have done differently in hindsight, or things we lost that we regret. At times I have to drive down a road where there is a beautiful house that I once owned but lost when my marriage disintegrated.
Whenever my thoughts stray down the track of mourning the loss of this house, I say to myself: ‘I won’t think about that” – and intentionally change my thoughts.
It works. And the outcome is that my ex has become a great friend – and this friendship isn’t clouded by my regret or resentment.
Hi Mary,
Constant reminders of a past regret can be very difficult to cope with. It’s like re-opening a fresh wound. While it would be a lot simpler to get over a regret if we are physically distant from its after effects, this isn’t always possible. We can, however, change the way we think about, and how we react towards, it. This becomes easier with practice.
Thank you for stopping by and passing on your thoughts.
Hi Scott,
What helps me to live as regret-free as possible is to focus on the positives in any situation. Like you say, it’s down to the choice we make.
Seeing things positively vs. seeing things negatively: it’s just as possible to view events with a positive perspective as it is negatively. There’s hardly ever space for regrets if you view life with an upbeat attitude.
Hi Christopher,
I’m a firm believer in what you say – that a positive attitude is a strong antidote against regret. Being positive is a mindset that we can develop by consciously deciding that’s how we’ll approach events. Negative thinking is not the default position for us to take.
I appreciate you adding to the conversation today.
I regret giving too much of myself to my career. I felt that the best method of proving my worth was to work late into the night, trying to impress the boss. Any extra tasks that needed done, I’d volunteer. I had little time for my social circle and cracks appeared in some of my closest relationships.
After the recession hit, I was laid off- A fine reward for my hard work and loyalty!
The upside of my experience is that it forced me to re-assess what matters to me. What’s helped me cope with my bitterness if the fact that I ventured out on my own. I’m in the process of starting up;a home biz – when I’ll be my own boss. Yay!!!! ;)
Hi Kathy,
That’s a brilliant story! What started off as a bleak account of a poor work/ life balance has turned into an opportunity to carve out your own future. Be mindful of keeping the balance as you set out to build your new business. I wish you the very best – please let us know how you get on.
I’m grateful to you for taking the time to leave your comment.
Hey Scott
Great article. There are quite a few good issues you talk about that made me think.
The bottom line is this… you get nothing from having regrets. I’m hoping I can look back at all the twists and turns of my life and be able to say~
“I LIVED WITHOUT REGRETS”
- Paul
That sounds like an awesome personal mission statement # “To Live and Die Without Regrets”. We can only try.
Andrew
Hi Andrew,
I agree 100%. It’s a worthwhile motto to guide us all.
Hi Paul,
Thank you for that – it really does say it all.
Scott,
I need to work on no.11. I hate conflict and would rather bite my tongue than get into arguments. What you say is right – many times I’ve regretted not having the courage to express my true emotions. No-one wins.
The problem is that people grow accustomed to how you react toward them and can be shocked if you suddenly start speaking your mind. I guess when you get into the habit of being open about how you feel it becomes easier and others grow used to the ‘new you’. I like your advice to be positive, diplomatic and constructive. It’s not only the words you say but the style you say them in..
Hi Will,
The truth is that we can only control how we act in a situation … other people’s reactions are outwith our control. Being honest about how you feel doesn’t mean you have to be brutal. As you say, it’s all about the tone and form of words you use. The alternative is to keep quiet and bite your tongue. It’s a perfectly ok choice to make if that’s what you decide. You just have to be comfortable that you won’t regret it later.
I appreciate you joining us here today.
Hello
Your advice on following your dream is spot on. From my earliest years I wanted to work with animals. My folks would tell you that they’d watch me playing all day with the neighborhood pets. It was my real interest and a counselor gave me the belief that one day I’d become involved with them somehow.
To cut a long story short: After a few ups and downs, failed exams, late nights of study and the rest, I’m now a vet. The joy of doing what I love every day never leaves me ~ I’m so glad I didn’t give up when the going got a little tough. Hopefully your other reader will go after their own dreams too.
Hi Jeffrey,
I love to hear of ambitions getting fulfilled! As you point out, it takes hard work and perseverance. But that’s usually the price you have to pay for reaching a worthwhile achievement.
Thank you for your encouraging story which I’m sure will inspire others.
I came to the conclusion that I spent too much time staring at life through a pc monitor. So I limit the time swallowed up online.
Take a road trip, go bowling with your kids, get lost on a nature trail; enjoy a night at the theater. Do anything. Real life is “out there,” not on a website, YouTube or on social media! :)
Hi Louisa,
I’m certain everyone who goes online can relate to you. We can get lost on the internet and find that many hours get eaten up, with not much to show.
Thank you for adding to the conversation here.
I’ve enjoyed reading all these are excellent comments!
I’m trying to teach my 3 teens not to have regrets. I believe it to be one of the best lessons in life.
I encourage them, as far as is humanly possible, always do the right thing by others. Don’t expect thanks for doing it.
Honor is also important. I teach them that you can sell out and sacrifice your reputation for short-term gains and cheap rewards, but when you want it back, you’ll soon find out that can be extremely costly to win back.
Hi Pat,
Reputations are hard won and easily lost, indeed. You sound as if you’re teaching your children solid values and a socially-aware approach to life.
I appreciate your thoughtful comment.
I try hard not to give in to regret. If I’m honest, I wouldn’t say that there haven’t been nights when I’ve mulled over past events and not been able to sleep, but mostly, I can accept what’s happened and deal with my failures. It’s important not to look back because that distracts you from focusing on future goals.
Hi David,
Regrets and failure happen. But, they’re yesterday’s news, so why let them drag you down today? There’s scarcely any room for regrets when you look to the future.
Many thanks for sharing your views with us.
Hi Scott,
Interesting points. Why do we regret things at all?
Regret, I believe, is based on the idea that we know, or we guess, that had we only chosen a different path from the one we actually did our life would have been better.
We romanticize the alternative pathway, dreaming of the good things that might have been. However, we leave out the possible bad things that would have happened had we taken the alternative pathway leaving out the bad that comes with many choices.
Life wouldn’t be better, just different.
Hi Gail,
I guess it’s only natural to wonder whether we’ve missed out due to us doing or not doing stuff. However, there’s little benefit in torturing ourselves with these ‘what if’ scenarios. Life is what it is now, not what it could’ve been.
I’m pleased that you joined in the discussion.
Truth is, I’ve been so blessed, it’s hard to come up with a regret. I wish I’d been an easier adolescent on my parents, but I hope I made up for it by being a devoted adult.
Hi Suzi,
It’s wonderful to hear that you’re now dealing with a past regret in such a positive manner.
Hi Scott
I honestly would do everything over the same way; given the info I had at the time I made decisions. When I made a less-than-perfect choices, I was able to take responsibility and repair the damage. Had you asked me about regrets when I was younger, I would have given an entire list. Now I am 45 and it is what it is. And it’s all good because it is OUR life story. We (hopefully) adopt a different philosophy toward life as we reach the half-way point.
Hi Jennifer,
You’ve made an good point. When we make a decision or act in a particular way, it’s usually done on the basis of what we know at the time. That’s why it helps to do your research and have as much info. as you need before you act.
Of course, we have to appreciate that we might not have all the details, but that shouldn’t stop us from stepping out.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Hi,
We are all a product of our choices, but if you say you have no regrets, I doubt you’re being honest with yourself. To say you have no regrets means you never made a mistake. EVERYONE makes mistakes and everyone has regrets: the road taken or not taken, words said or not said.
Hi Lucas,
It’s not so much a question of whether or not everyone has regrets, but more to do with how we let those regrets affect us today. Sure, we all make mistakes though the key is not to allow them to fester away into regrets.
Many thanks for leaving your comment.
Hi there,
Consequences come with each choice or risk we take.
Trying to live a life of certainty and always knowing what will follow our decisions is impossible.
Regret seems inevitable to me, just a part of living.
One way to right the wrongs, for me, has been to make amends whenever possible.
Hi Victoria,
It certainly is impossible to second guess the consequences of everything we do. Often, it’s simply a case of anticipating the results … then going for it.
Many thanks for sharing your views.
I wish I spent more time with my children, family and the people I loved. I wish I wasn’t in such a hurry. I wish I was more accepting and forgiving.
When my mom got sick with M.S., I wish I was more patient with her. I wish I spent hours just being with her.
Hi David,
Many regrets we have involve our relationships with other people. And these can take the longest to heal. I’m so sorry about your mother’s illness.
I appreciate your openess – thank you.
Excellent tips that will help me to drop the coulda, woulda, shoulda and instead relish what is there for the taking. Thanks.
Hi winsomebella,
I’m glad you found the article helpful. Thank you for letting me know!
I love the suggestion to value our relationships. I want to make money with my blog. However sometimes I’m not willing to pay the price and choose to spend time with family instead of working long hours.
I have everything I need and sometimes wonder why I want more. My answer is always ‘I don’t want to run out when I’m old. Who will take care of me?’ That question only puts me in the fear of the future.
One daughter is getting married in December. 3 daughters and their families live out of state. I just spend three weeks helping and visiting them. Most of my blogging was put on the back burner. I told them all last week…don’t ask for help with anything until the end of the year. Seriously I need balance.
There’s my dilemma. I don’t want regrets.
Hi Tess,
Very few things in life will give us greater reward, strength or peace of mind than our relationships. That’s why I believe our existing bonds with friends and family should be carefully tended to and protected. A damaged relationship is difficult to repair.
I understand your point about finding balance – it always feels like a work-in-progress. All we can do is experiment.
I’m grateful to you for sharing your thoughts here.
Hi Scott,
I’ve made some mistakes along the way, mostly involving a lack of self-confidence as a child and young person, but I did the best I could at the time so I don’t really regret those mistakes. You learn from living.
Hi Kev,
We need never regret making mistakes as they’re a direct result of taking action. They help us learn what to do differently next time. The real mistake is when we don’t try.
Many thanks for joining in with the discussion.
Thanks. I really was needing this info. I’ll try your recommendations and will comment about results. At least, i have the right way to get to enjoy my life without those regrets. Those are terrible experiences… (excuse me about my English). Thanks again…
Hi Luis,
I’m pleased you’re going to try out some of the tips. Please do let us know how it goes.
It’s great to hear your views (and no need to excuse your English – it’s fine) !
Work/Life balance is the toughest for me. I am so grateful for my job, having been unemployed for nearly two years and barely getting by, but I do find that life is now all about the job. Weekends fly by; weeknights are often just long enough to make dinner, eat, clean up, maybe get in some exercise a night or two, prepare for the next day, and get to sleep at a semi-reasonable hour. With many friends that live an hour’s drive away, it’s hard to get in quality friend time during the week, so on weekends I wish I could clone myself! I choose one activity, I miss another. That’s where regrets come in. Wish I could do it all! When will “beam me up, Scotty” become a reality??!?!?!? ;-)
Hi Kim,
I can understand why you feel torn in different directions.
I’m sure a lot of folk put up with a poor work/ life balance because they’re grateful to have a job. They keep quiet about any struggles because they fear that telling the boss could jeopardise their work. The bottom line is that a stressed out, overloaded employee isn’t going to produce their best work.
‘Beam me up, Scotty’ … I would if I could (says Scott ! ;-)
Thank you for leaving your comment.
HI Scott,
Thank you for the insightful article. At 45, I have finally learned that the people in my life just want me. They don’t really want what I can do for them. If I am constantly running around trying to make everyone else happy, how can I give them the best of me? With age comes wisdom, and fortunately, I have learned in the prime of my life that life is to be ENJOYED and taken for everything that it has to offer. Go skydiving…climb a mountain…drive a race car…do the things that you will look back upon fondly in your old age. You will leave this earth with fond memories, good friends, and a smile upon your face. :)
Hi Sheryn,
‘Being there’ for someone doesn’t mean ‘doing things’ for them, as you helpfully point out. Relationships should be more than that. Offering time and emotional support is what it’s really about.
I love your attitude of enjoying life in your prime … even if we don’t throw yourself out of a plane, we can still throw ourselves into life!
Thank you for sharing your upbeat philosophy.
Hi Scott, I had many regrets in my life.
I did spent a lot of time on some of my regrets and hope not to create too many,if any, in my future. Thank you for sharing the pointers and I especially like 8 & 12.
Hi Tan,
You’re not alone … the majority of people allow regrets to fill up too much of our thoughts. I hope you try to have less regrets from now on. It takes practice, but if you really want it, you can do it.
I appreciate you sharing your views with us here.
This is one of the best posts ever. I used to have a problem with regrets until I figured out for myself the same thing you said above. There’s no point in looking back, just keep moving forward.
I still have a huge problem the “I should’ve said…” situations, but not other situations that could be considered regretable. That is largely due to the fact that I don’t express myself freely due to a lack of self respect, others’ feelings, or both depending on the situation.
I have recently learned in the past year and a half to change my outlook and think more about myself while boosting my self confidence a little. I eventually followed my dreams and it was the best move I’ve made so far. I put myself out there and opened my own freelance design/development business, got an uber awesome full-time job, networked, going out to events, and met a lot of people I wouldn’t have met otherwise.
My biggest things right now are to learn to express myself freely regardless of the many people that make judgements on everything imaginable and get my health in check. I’m a smoker… and it sucks to have an addictive personality.
Great post Scott. It made me think a lot, which I haven’t done in a long time.
Hi Kevin,
Many thanks to you for your leaving your thoughtful comment.
You’ve really taken a lot of bold steps forward in a short time. Deciding to follow you’re dream was the biggest step you could’ve made – and you did it. Gaining more confidence in one area has helped you tackle things that might’ve seemed too daunting before.
It can be difficult at first to learn how to express ourselves freely to others, especially if we’re not used to doing it. We can look on it as having positive benefits for our relationships – and it allows other people to better understand who we are.
I’m glad you found this article helpful.
i’ve broke up with my boyfriend 2years ago.. but still regretting what i did. i’ve lied to him about moving on.. when all i really what is for him to stand and be firm about our relationship and be man enough to have a stable job as we were not getting any younger.. after a year of trying to win me back he went his way had a girlfriend.. so as i,, but still just not happy.. still into him..
This is basically to do with my teenage children. It is easy to say they will learn from their mistakes – but when they make some really serious mistakes we know that they will regret later in their lives it becomes difficult to hold back. How can we explain that they need to guard against this kind of regret – where if they did things with more thought, effort, imagination or what ever it takes to accomplish things, it would be better for them.
You should never have regrets, everything you do is a learning step, just understand what you have learnt from that experience and move on, regrets will only send you in a backward spiral and probably making the same regrets all over again, just count yourself as a wiser new human being and accept. Maybe not easy all the time, but you cannot make progress by replying your past.
Regrets, I’ve had a few in my lifetime – some big and some not so big. What they do for me is to make me feel like I’m not good enough, that somehow I’m flawed. I like your advice and have over the years come to some of the same conclusions and have gotten past my mistakes. I still makes mistakes tho and try to get past them without that big pothole.
thanks for your words of wisdom.
Hi,I’m also one of many persons who have regrets in life..2 years ago i have a 3 years relationship with my bf.Happy whats going on between us..But year 2009,we broke up because he had a third party,After what happen i still love him..April of 2010,he communictae me again through phone..and i thought that is the start again of our relationship but someone told me that my ex-bf courting someone near in his place..Becoz of that im so too emotional and sad for the second time that he did to me..So in return for doing those things to me,i date his friend,taking photos,texting him..& aftr that i did an account in one o the social site to post and to upload our photo..So my ex bf saw that picture..$ me its a revenge.but up to now i still love my ex bf..nd may be theres no chance 4 us..
Hi, Scott,
Thanks for the thought provoking post. I’ve always believed, ‘No regrets, Only lessons.’
It may sound cliche but it’s true…everything has brought me to where I am today. And I now lead a wonderful and wonder-filled life, after learning lots and lots of Life Lessons along the way.
I’m blessed by my journey and share what I’ve learned with others, through my blog http://ThePowerToLive.com
Connie Lee
Scott, I really like this post.
It made me ponder some questions I have had on my mind recently, which include
“Why are some people altruists?”
“Is altruism truly a virtue?”
“Can/should an altruist ever change?”
Any comments are welcome.
Hi Scott! Fantastic post. I think learning how to LEARN from our failures will make us less likely to FEAR failure. People who rise to meet challenges are often people who have failed a LOT! Most athletes have a story of failure time and time again. The difference is that they learned how to grow EACH time. There was an odd JOY that came from stumbling as they realized they were ONE STEP CLOSER to the formula!