Don’t Let Low Expectations Destroy Your High Hopes and Big Dreams
Photo by Nicki Varkevisser
Have you given up on any hopes and dreams you once had?
Sadly, we all have at one time or another.
It can be a struggle to keep them alive throughout the ups and downs of our lives.
Think back to when you were 10. As a kid, perhaps you wanted to be a superhero or a superstar, a princess or a prince. Whoever it was you were going to grow up as, it would be someone spectacular.
Those were the glorious days when the only limits on what you could become were beyond the boundaries of your own imagination.
You see, you weren’t born with low expectations of what you could achieve in life.
Then, one day, you started to expect less.
Anything was no longer possible for you. Or, so you began to believe.
Expecting Less
It’s only natural that many of our childhood hopes and dreams wither away. After all, not everyone is destined to become an astronaut and walk on the moon!
Some people say that we simply have to lower our expectations because that’s what ‘real life’ is all about. They argue that hopes and dreams are warm, fuzzy ideas that vanish in the cold light of reality.
Of course, we’ve all experienced the pain of being let down when something we’d hoped for never comes to pass. And, very few of us have escaped the shattering effects of a broken dream. These feelings can leave us devastated.
Our hopes and dreams can, indeed, be cruelly dashed.
We prefer to protect ourselves from disappointment by not raising our hopes and not daring to dream. It saves us from being hurt.
We stop hoping for so much.
We don’t dream as often.
We expect less.
When Expectations Are Not-So Great
Your hopes and dreams can come true. It happens to other people all the time so, why not to you?
If you no longer expect them to become real, you give up on making them happen.
Unlike in fairytales, hopes and dreams don’t just magically appear out of thin air. They take planning and plenty of action. Nothing worthwhile is created without effort. Sometimes, it takes an entire life’s workload.
But – when you lower your expectations of what is possible – those things you once thought you could do now seem impossible to achieve.
So, you give up and don’t even try.
Like that 10 year old kid you once knew who dreamt of becoming someone spectacular.
We all know someone who gave up on their hopes and dreams far too soon.
Don’t abandon yours without giving it your very best shot.
What hopes and dreams do you have that refuse to go away? How have you turned them into a reality, despite setbacks?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.
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Scott, fantastic reminder to stop expecting less of our hopes and dreams. I remember watching “The Last Lecture” with Randy Pausch, the professor who died of cancer a couple of years ago. One of the things he said that always stuck out to me was, when a brick wall appears between you and your dream, it’s God’s way of asking, “How bad to you want it?” If you want it bad enough, you will find a way to it.
I needed this today. Thanks!
Hi Bryan,
I’m so glad you found it helpful.
I really like the idea that nothing can separate us from our dreams. That attitude will always keep us going, despite whatever setbacks come our way. It’s a very sad day when we give up on a dream.
Thank you for sharing the inspiring quote from ‘The Last Lecture’… I’m sure other folk will find that helpful too.
Scott,
I’m going through a somewhat unexpected transition right now which I’ll be posting about on the blog in a few days once it’s all set in stone. Sometimes the low expectations can come from the people around us. That can ultimately be really detrimental to our success if we start to feed that voices of doubt. Thanks for this. Great reminder :)
Hi Srini,
It’s great to see you here.
We can set low expectations for ourselves but, certainly, just as restrictive are those that other people have of us.
When people don’t expect much from us, there’s always a danger we live down to their expectations. After all, if they don’t have faith in us, why should we?
On the positive side, there’s nothing like the feeling of surprising folk by achieving something they weren’t expecting!
Hi Scott,
We often being with zest and gusto, but as time wears on, we start to lose our original momentum. We may have started off as unstoppable Juggernauts, but most of us end up like immovable Blobs. As you say, when we were kids, anything seemed possible, then reality happened. At least that is the reason that most of us give anyway. But you are right. It is up to us to take charge of our lives and make our dreams a reality no matter how great the odds are. There really isn’t any other way.
I believe it is a matter of finding ways and means to re-motivate ourselves. We need to periodically remind ourselves why our dreams are important and why we need to overcome all odds to achieve them. Thanks for the much needed reminder! :)
Irving the Vizier
Hi Irving,
Yes, we usually always start off with great enthusiasm but, somewhere along the way, we run out of steam. This can be due to many reasons: setbacks; the realization of the real work involved, etc.
Rather than rushing in at the beginning at a speed we can’t possibly keep up, I think it’s wiser to pace yourself. After all turning a dream into a reality is a marathon not a sprint!
Reminding ourselves why our dream is still important to us can give us that much needed boost to keep us going.
Thank you for adding your thoughts to the discussion.
Those who have truly achieved their dreams are often “unreasonable.”
Being reasonable is often merely a way to excuse you for not going for your dream and giving it your all!
We can’t bring out our best if we diminish our expectations.
Hi Bamboo Forest,
If a dream really inspires us, really moves us, we’ll keep going after it. Certainly not in a half-hearted way.
I can see how this can be viewed as being ‘unreasonable’ and others might suggest that we rein it in and ‘act reasonable’. And, then, the dream is diluted…
Many thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Scott,
I totally agree with you I mean what life is worth living if you don’t expect high and dream big. Keeping high expectations in life is my right, its my reason to live happily and enthusiastically for the next day.
But one has to make sure that its best to expect only from yourself. Expect yourself to be a better person, a simple person and happy one. Do not expect much from others. They are people who you love and you want to love them for who they are,don’t try to push them your way.
Anyways my mantra is ” Simple living High thinking”
Hi Kiran,
I like your attitude: ‘keeping high expectations in life’ is my right’. Too true!
I agree with you that we shouldn’t try to push people to be what we want them to be. But, I also believe it’s healthy to have positive expectations of others.
As Srini mentions above, other people can have low expectations of us. This can affect our motivation to achieve our dreams. After all, if someone else doesn’t expect much from you, we can end up living down to their expectations.
There’s a fine balance to be struck between expecting too little from others and having too high expectations of someone else. High expectations can cause that person to feel under pressure to perform well, which can lead to stress and a fear of failure. These are not-so-good.
Thank you for sharing your mantra with us!
Nice Article Scott,
I recently just got out of a funk I was in for a couple years where I didn’t expect much out of anything. I believe it to be bad decisions I’ve made in the past, but that’s neither here nor there. A big part of knowing that you can achieve anything and expect more out of life starts with your self esteem and the people around you.
Surrounding yourself in positivity and the right people, setting goals, planning, and like you said, plenty of action.
Since I was a kid, I wanted to be a graphic designer. Within the past two years I have been successful at it and have no plans of stopping. I expected more out of myself, which in turn, made me expect more out of my surroundings whether it be co-workers, money, the environment I was in, my lifestyle, upgraded hardware, and especially expected my skills to grow.
I never respond to blog posts, but this one caught my attention and made me realize that people should expect more and dream bigger!
Hi,
Thank you for taking the time to leave your comment. I’m sure others will find it very helpful too.
Having a supportive environment around you plays a big part in helping to turn dreams into reality.
True, having a healthy dose of self-esteem can make us believe we can do it (which is half the battle). But, it’s great to have positive and supportive folk beside you, willing you to succeed.
It’s interesting to hear that when you began to expect more from yourself, it spurred you on. And you then expected more from other influences in your life. I totally believe that raising – rather than lowering – our expectations leads us to try harder, not less.
I hope you continue to expect more!
Scott
I believe that the world is a mirror of ourselves and our expectations, so if I see a world that doesn’t live up to my expectations I know I’m not giving my best. When I see an exciting, envigorating world I know I am on track.
I steer clear of Goals and rely on my Vision to keep me going. Goals are too detailed and too easy to not achieve, whereas a Vision is always there drawing you on.
What is the Vision I have that won’t go away? I would say that it is a desire to matter in this world. I know that creating a situation where I matter is up to me, it is something I create. I have been that and done that at different times in my life but I don’t regard that Vision as complete. That is the difference between a Vision and Goals. Goals get completed, a Vision stays for ever. I don’t want to matter once but continuously. I want to be an inspiration to people and keep being an inspiration.
That all keeps me on my toes!
Thank for a simple, thought provoking post.
Hi Graham,
I tend to agree that having a Vision for our life is a good starting point, rather than concentrating on a collection of goals.
Don’t get me wrong, goals can be useful to give us a focus to work towards. But, I like the idea of emphasising our Vision as the overall framework to guide us.
I think your desire to matter, to inspire others is one which is shared by an ever-increasing number of people these days. In these throwaway times, it’s important to feel that we can have an impact on our world and those around us… no matter how small.
Many thanks for sharing your own Vision for life.
Hi Scott,
I really enjoyed this post.
I’ve had periods in my life where people expected a lot from me and was terrified that I wouldn’t meet those expectations, and periods in my life where people expected little from me and I wanted to prove them wrong.
More recently I’ve come to see expectations as something I get choose for myself.
It’s a real relief knowing it’s my responsibility to determine what my expectations are. I get to ‘manage’ my expectations by reminding myself about them, keeping track of them so they stay relevant to me, and staying enthusiastic and motivated.
I also get to keep other people’s mitts off them :)
Hi Dave,
Thank you for joining in the conversation.
It can certainly be uncomfortable being caught in the headlights of other people’s expectations of us. This can paralyze us into not acting when too much is expected. Or, trying too hard to reach high expectations that are beyond us.
You’re right… ultimately, the only person’s expectations that should matter to us are our own.
Hi Scott, great to land here on your site via A list bloggers club. I’m looking forward to reading through many of your posts as I can empathise well with your thoughts in this one. My last post is on a similar theme…that of daring to dream ON! Even when all hope is dashed we can go on if we want it bad enough. I love your last line here is ‘Dont abandon yours (your dream) without giving it your best shot.’ But I would change one word. I would substitute ‘best shot’ for ‘last shot’.Thank you Scott and great to meet you here.
Hi Rosemary,
It’s great to see you here! Thank you for the encouraging words.
On thinking about it, I agree with you: we should never give up on a dream until we’ve put in every last bit of effort we can. Even doing something small towards making it real is way better than doing nothing.
“Don’t Let Low Expectations…” for me it wasn’t low expectations but the expectations of others! It can be hard to separate out your own heart dream from those of society or family. That’s what happened to me, under pressure I pursued a career in academia, and it was hell in many ways. So dont’ let the idea of a steady paycheck or prestige determine what field you go into-as they still won’t bring you joy. Listen to your inner knowing and follow your passion! I wrote about my experience in a piece called “How to Quit Your Life & Not Become Homeless,” as I continue the journey of reinventing myself. Thanks for the encouraging post Scott.
Namaste,
Hi,
As other readers have mentioned, without a doubt, there are two sources of expectations on us: Our own and other people’s.
Somewhere in the middle of them both, these expectations can get confused and muddied. This can result in us absorbing what other people expect from us and taking it on as our own.
Many people are living out what others want from us, rather than following their own dreams. It’s such a waste of possibility.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
The hardest part for me isn’t when I don’t reach a goal or something. The biggest discouragement comes when bad things happen that are out of my control — that I can do nothing about.
Sometimes I wish we could jettison all the evil people in the world to outer space.
Hi Alison,
I understand what you mean when you describe how disheartening it is when things go wrong that we have no control over.
I find it helpful to identify and focus in on those parts of a situation I can control. Then, to reassure myself that I have done everything within my power. There will always be things that don’t work out as well as we’d hoped for. But, there will be other things that go really well. I try to hold onto the positive results, which can be difficult, I know.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Hi Scott :)
I think sometimes it depends on the type of expectation.
For example, if I have a big brother who is very successful financially and I decide to model and benchmark him, but he and I have completely different skill sets (not to mention empathy levels and self esteem levels) I probably am setting myself up for huge disappointment. His success cannot be mine.
People start to expect less when they have not understood their own strengths and abilities – have tried and failed – and don’t want to risk again. The pain is too great. If my goals are not in line with my soul and fabric as a person, I cannot be successful, because I will lead myself away from who I really am in stead of being in harmony with myself.
But if I have enough self-awareness to tap into what my strengths are then even if I don’t make it all the way to where I want to go or if if the path diverges, I will not fail. A life where I am comfortable with who I really am will lead to huge things, because the energy will flow. And then the expectations are no longer really expectations, but rather the knowledge of what can be.
Anyway, interesting conversation. Have a wonderful day!
Hi Diana,
Many thanks for sharing your insights here.
Working out your strengths and abilities before tackling a challenge is a wise investment. If we know what we can do now, we can be in a better position to judge what is possible in the future.
It’s interesting what you say about other people’s expectations not feeling ‘comfortable’ to us. Taking on expectations that don’t fit with who we are or what we want, are bound to jar with us. We’re less likely to stick at it when we don’t buy into what we are aiming for.
When expectation leads to a quiet assurance of a postive outcome, things start to really happen!
I can relate to this Scott.
Always follow your dream.
‘If it’s a dream it’s real’ said Salif keita, the famous Malian singer.
I have a very old blue notebook in which I wrote down dreams a long time ago and over the years have crossed off the ones I have made reality. Some took a very long time to manifest but I never gave up on them. I cannot describe in words the feeling of supreme delight when I found the book many years later and realised I could put a tick by a particular entry.
Always follow your dream. Always believe in it because it’s yours, because it’s real.
‘I see the future when I follow my dreams’ Rapturous from Songs About Leaving Africa
Hi Maggie,
I love the idea of your notebook of dreams. The fact it’s old (and probably a bit tattered) is a nice image of the enduring nature of dreams. No matter how long it took, I can imagine it’s a brilliant feeling being able to score them off, one by one ;-)
Many thanks for stopping by and sharing the words of that upbeat song!
Hi Scott,
I have been working in Johannesburg for over a year, 600km (375 miles) from where I live (on a game farm in South Africa). I am away a few weeks at a time and earn decent money (around USD100k per year, which is a lot here).
But I also sacrifice a lot. I am away from my wife of 14 years with whom I am still madly in love. I am away from my two children, Dakotah who is 5 and Connor, 7. They miss having me around and I miss them.
On Tuesday this week I drove back from Johannesburg (6.5 hours of driving), leaving at 4am to get to the school in time to help out with cricket coaching. My kids were in heaven and so was I. Then it was time to go to my son’s sailing class in Richards Bay harbour. I looked after the six or so kids, swimming with them in the sea, while the sailing teacher took them one-by-one for lessons. Heaven again.
And my point and dream?
I have been through times when I have earned USD350k per year. I have run major businesses and I have had material success. Times are much harder now as I am recovering from a business collapse that has resulted in me having to work so far from home.
I no longer dream of earning $350k per year as I have done. I no longer dream of running a USD10m business with hundreds of employees as I have done.
Now I dream of following my passion of writing for a living. Writing in the mornings and evenings and having the flexibility to be involved in my children’s lives in the afternoons, coaching sport and teaching swimming and chess. It all seems impossible with the debt and circumstances of my life now, but your post has inspired me anew. Thank you.
If you stop believing in your dreams you have no chance of reaching them.
Thanks again.
Regards
Richard Howes
from a game farm in Africa
Hi Richard,
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
I’m sure that many other readers will identify with the sacrifices you’re having to make. Changing circumstances mean we have to do things that we don’t plan for – and would really prefer not to do. I can imagine it’s tough being so far from your family.
Your dream of becoming a writer is no less exciting or impressive than the goals you’ve already achieved. And, it’s just as worthy.
I’m so glad you found something in the article to inspire you. Sometimes it only takes a small thing to refresh us when we’re weary and give us that little encouragement to keep us going.
Whatever happens, persevere with the writing. With the determination you’ve shown up till now, I’m sure you’ll pull it off.
Scott,
Dreams do die hard for many, and that is one of the reasons for much of the rancor and bitterness of the world. Many are simply too terrified to pursue their dreams with any real focus or effort, perhaps because in their hearts, they know that these dreams are fantastical chimeras, fun to daydream about but impossible to realize.
But what if they are wrong?
What if they could realize this dream, given sufficient effort, perhaps some sacrifice, and with a little luck (which some say is no more than preparation meeting opportunity) and talent in the mix? What then? Is the dream now too scary? Is the required sacrifice too great?
Only you can decide the price of your dream. And if the price of admission is too high, that’s okay. Let it go, and replace it with another dream. Dreams do die hard. But sometimes that’s for the best.
I think that the famous quote by T.E. Lawrence, which I’m kind of surprised hasn’t surfaced as of yet, makes this point:
“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”
So keep your eyes open. Focus on the now, and what you can do in this moment to advance your dream. And like any good sailor or wayfarer, glance at the horizon every now and again. Keep a weather eye out for approaching storms, or changes in terrain. Adjust your course if necessary. If we are sailing against the wind, we can’t do so by steering a course in the wind’s direction. We need to tack and change the trim of our sails. That’s called life.
There is nothing more tragic than abandoning a dream prematurely because you could not change your course and attempt a different tack if the current one isn’t producing desired results.
We are all marching inexorably towards the same destination; nobody gets out of here alive.
So while you are here, live. Live and dream. For life without dreams loses much of its flavor.
And who wants that?
Best wishes to all and walk softly through life (but keep that big stick near at hand),
Jonathan
It’s very true Scott that the level you expect is the level you get. After all you never see champion sports stars ever saying they didn’t expect to be the best in the world. Raise your own bar and the go and clear it!
Hi John,
Our own expectations of what is possible has a powerful effect on the outcome. If we believe it, we can achieve it. If we don’t think we can, it’ll likely remain an unrealized dream.
Many thanks for leaving your comment.
Everyday I believe in the future and what I can do personally to make it better. Thanks for your insights.
Hi Elizabeth,
That’s a very positive approach. When we actually believe we have the power to improve our future, it unleashes a ‘go do it’ attitude. With that frame of mind, it really is possible.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
This is a great post Scott.
It’s quite in line with the book I’m reading now (and loving) “Three Feet from Gold”.
Thanks so much for reminding us of the importance of dreaming big and keep dreaming big.
Krizia
Hi Krizia,
… and no one can stop us dreaming big except ourselves!
Many thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts.
All of my “hopes and dreams” went away long ago, I never really HAD anything concrete that I really, really wanted to do. I was a very realistic child, by raising, and if I ever said something like, “i’m going to be a firefighter!” my parents would say, “oh, but you’re a girl! oh, but you’re so little you aren’t strong enough to do that!” not so much in a mean way, but in the realistic way. I grew up and they were right, I ended up weighing just enough to hold down the seats at the cinema and i’d make a terrible fire fighter. Realism is harsh, but it’s right.
When I was a little older I wanted to try graphic design, be an artist, writer…so many creative things, but I can’t draw, have terrible perspective and managed to get a D in graphic design at high school. I, despite all efforts, am a terrible writer and cannot even give my blog proper attention, and I write there once a month knowing no one really wants to read it anyway.
Some people aren’t special, and have nothing to offer the world, and their parents, and their minds, are right in believing they cannot follow “dreams” I don’t even have any dreams, and I know this.
Well said Scott!
My biggest dreams that refuse to go away from me are to be a wise & knowledgeable leader to the genius followers, to be a remarkable husband to my future wife (who is now my girlfriend), and to be a ‘superhero’ father to my future child.
There are methods and principles that I have been implementing to turn them into a reality. I am really thankful that God has granted me my sweet & beautiful girlfriend and also my cute nephews and niece for me to practice from now towards my dreams. In actual fact, I feel that I have successfully achieved them at the percentage of 70%-80%. Thank you to my girlfriend, nephews and niece.
Back to the methods, they are as below:
1) I have learned to be strong to deal with disappointments, instead of running away from them.
2) I will always associate low expectations with a project of a daily small challenge which means each time I face with low expectations, I will quickly challenge myself to make it as a reality.
3) I have already set my mind that “to dream is to realize” – “I have no choice but to make it happen”.
Thank you Scott for sharing and inspiring me to keep dreaming not to kill all my hopes and dreams!
Cheers,
Tariq n Shaheera
Hi Tariq,
I’m delighted that you have such clear ideas on what it is you want to achieve. Defining your aims is a major step on the way to actually achieving them.
I like the methods you’re using to get there. We’re bound to have to face challenges – but having a strategy to overcome them, as you do, will work wonders.
I’m grateful to you for passing on your experiences.
Hi Jonathan,
As you say, no dream – no matter how simple – comes without some degree of effort. If they did come easy, then we’d be awash with them. We need to be sure that we’re willing to work for it.
T.E. Lawrence’s quote really captures the essence of what makes a dream come true: action and determination.
You hit the nail on the head when you mention the tragedy of a dream being abandoned because: “you could not change your course and attempt a different tack if the current one isn’t producing desired results.” Constantly adapting to circumstances will help any dream to survive.
Many thanks for leaving such a thoughtful comment.
You’re very welcome, Scott.
The worth of any endeavor, or realization of a dream for that matter, is directly proportionate to the effort, energy and sacrifice necessary to achieve it.
If we dream big, we sometimes risk failing big. Those failures can be mere “setbacks” if the risks that we take are prudent, but sometimes they are “game-changers.” I don’t think we can ever truly mitigate such risk, because in life, despite the craving that many have for the illusions of security and stability, we are always at risk. Always.
And if our dreams are too small, we may achieve them, but still feel the coldness of the void. Not everyone has to be a rock star, or a world-renowned entrepreneur, or a brilliant scientist, or a much feted politician, or an overly exposed actor. The world needs ditch diggers too. And that’s as honorable a profession as any of the others.
We ultimately have the opportunity to become what we dare to dream. But we must act deliberately on our dreams, and not expect them to materialize on their own. Perhaps every now and again it happens that way. But I wouldn’t approach life with that assumption in mind.
So walk softly, but deliberately…
Jonathan