It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret” ~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee, US athlete

Do you have regrets about anything you’ve done?

Have you ever regretted not doing something?

Those things you did or didn’t do. Those words you did or didn’t say.

Many of us have experienced the feeling of regret in our lives.

I know I have.

I would find myself replaying in my mind all those things I really wish I’d said or done at the time, but let slip by. I’d ask myself: “If only I’d …” and “What if I’d …”. It’s always a pointless, frustrating, and thoroughly depressing way to think.

Now, I’ve come to realize that regrets are a total waste of time.

When you constantly look back at what you should – or shouldn’t – have done, you’re never happy with what you actually did achieve. You’ll be forever haunted by disappointment. You’ll mourn for what might’ve been, rather than celebrating what you have now.

Regrets keep you imprisoned in the past, stuck firmly in situations you can’t change. No matter how much you desperately want the outcome to be different, history can’t be re-written.

Instead, I’ve been learning (and still am) how to have as few regrets as possible. What follows are some tips which help me. I hope you find them useful too.

1. Choose to reject regret

Having regrets is a choice we make. You can stay focussed on how you did or didn’t act yesterday and let it affect you in a negative way today. This mindset holds you back. Alternatively, you can look ahead and use what has already happened to influence your future decisions. This attitude pushes you onwards. I choose not to dwell on regrets. Do you?

2. Change your outlook

When I fail at something, it’s ok because I use the failure to learn what went wrong and apply these lessons the next time I try. If I miss an opportunity, it’s fine because the circumstances obviously weren’t right for me at that precise moment. I believe that more suitable opportunities will come around again. Try consciously viewing things from a positive, forward-thinking perspective and you’ll stay less stuck in the past with your regrets.

3. Be true to yourself

Are you nervous at the thought of being yourself? Many people worry needlessly over what others will think and say about them. They live according to what others expect, just so they don’t lose face or go down in their estimations. Unfortunately, this also stops us from doing what we want for ourselves. Start making decisions based on what the ‘real you’ needs, not the persona you’ve created for everyone else’s eyes. You’ll have fewer regrets if you’re true to yourself in every part of your life.

4. Do what’s right for you

To avoid having regrets, always make the final decision based on your own best interests. I’m not talking about being selfish in a nasty way but, rather, that you fully value yourself in everything you do. By all means, listen to the views of people you trust. Take into account their advice and opinions as you weigh up the pros and cons of a situation. But, ultimately it’s you who has to live with the consequences of whatever you decide to do.

5. Aim for high standards

What you stand for is important – the values and ethics that guide you. Never betray your integrity or compromise your personal moral code in anything you do. More than likely, you’ll lose the respect of those around you if you ignore your own principles. Indeed, you’ll almost certainly lose your self-respect and that can be extremely difficult to deal with. Knowing that you acted with a clear conscience is a lot easier to deal with than behaving in an unscrupulous manner.

6. Follow the best course of action

Have you ever looked back at a situation and wished you hadn’t taken the easy way out? The temptation is to settle for the option that gives us the least hassle or the one that saves the most time. But, often that isn’t what’s best for us. The things worth having the most usually involve the greatest effort on our part. For our sense of achievement, it’s a good idea to stretch and challenge ourselves occasionally. Take a few risks, climb some metaphorical mountains, push your limits. You don’t want to feel the pang of regret that you never got anywhere because you didn’t at least try.

7. Follow your dreams

What’s your dream? It might be to do with work: maybe you want to find a job you love; become a freelancer; set up your own business, or switch careers. Or it could be you’d like to travel; or write your first book, or something equally special. We all have dreams  – some are big and ambitious, while others are small and more realistic. No matter … go after it. Research what practical steps you must take to turn the fluffy dream into a concrete reality. Be prepared to be in it for the long-term as success rarely happens overnight. Persevere. It’s heartbreaking when you give up on a dream. It’s an even bigger tragedy when you don’t give it a proper shot.

8. Treasure your good health

Being fit and well is a true blessing that most folk don’t fully appreciate until they lose it. My dad suffered a major stroke that left him disabled, unable to walk without a stick. What was his biggest regret? Not making the most of the years when he was healthy, he said. Think about all the stuff you would be forced to miss out on without good health. For me recently, I spent a few weeks out of action in hospital and felt very frustrated at being limited in what I could do. Squeeze every drop of benefit from being fit and well, right now while you can. The day will arrive – sooner or later – when you’ll need to slow down.  You might end up wishing you’d done a lot more while you were able.

9. Trust your intuition

How many times have you looked back at a choice you made and thought: “I should have gone with my gut feeling”? We’ve all got a natural instinct about whether or not something is right for us. Start paying attention to this inner voice. Trust what your intuition is telling you. If you have a bad feeling about a situation, be cautious about your next step. Of course, you might still get it wrong after going with your gut instinct. But, at least, you’ll learn and fine tune how you react in the future. When events don’t turn out exactly the way you’d hoped for, avoid falling into the self-blame trap:  you did what you judged to be right for you at the time. Try to accept that fact and don’t beat yourself up for getting it wrong. No one can predict the future, not even you.

10. Find your ideal work/ life balance

Unless you’re careful, work can have a negative impact on the rest of your life. You put in extra hours, stay late at the office, or bring the job back with you through the front door. Even when you’re self-employed or work at home, it’s important to have a divide that protects your social life. If you don’t, pretty soon work pressures will eat into the quality time you spend with others.  Having a strong work ethic is great, but not when it’s at the expense of your health or relationships. You won’t ever be able to recover those precious moments you missed out on with family and friends because you were too busy.

11. Express yourself freely

Too many of us aren’t comfortable in sharing our feelings with others. We try to keep the peace by pushing our emotions to one side, bottling them up until they explode during an argument or, worse, until the resentment we hold inside makes us ill. On the opposite side, telling people how much they mean to us is often just as awkward.  Words are left unsaid. We end up desperately wishing that we’d spoken up sooner. Instead of hiding what you really want to say, practice how to express yourself more freely. Be positive, diplomatic and constructive while putting your points across. This spirit of openness will either make or break the relationship. Sometimes, you have to let go of the unhealthy ones before they do any more damage.

Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished.” ~ Og Mandino, American essayist

12. Put relationships first

Having a pile of money, flash cars and the latest gadgets is all well and good, but these have a temporary value. After all, it’s possible to buy newer and shinier replacements for the old ones. But, it’s much more difficult – impossible even – to replace a loving relationship or a wonderful friendship once they’ve gone. Material things come and go, but it’s our deep bonds with other people that really matter the most. We become so busy and pre-occupied with our own lives, that we let once-great friendships wither and die due to neglect. Take a moment to remember all the friends you’ve let drift away simply because you lost touch. Sad, isn’t it? Cherish those relationships you have just now. Build lasting friendships. Devote as much of your energy and time as you can to the folk closest to you. Above all – never take your loved ones for granted.

13. Enjoy life!

Have you given up on being happy and settled for merely getting by? Many people don’t allow themselves to experience joy. Ease up on worrying – it never solves anything. Worry is like a huge weight on your back, dragging you down. Laugh loudly and be silly. Explore what true happiness actually is for you, rather than accepting a pale imitation. The biggest regret you can have is not enjoying your life to the full when you had the chance.

Regrets are a natural response to what’s happened to us in the past. Let them go. You can’t change what’s already been. But you can choose how you act from now on so you have as few regrets as possible in the future.

How do you deal with regrets?

Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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I wish I could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand, and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours” ~ Bernard Bereson

Life is too short.

But you knew that already, right?

It’s a basic truth waiting to be discovered by each one of us. A fundamental lesson that we all learn sooner or later.

Life is far too short to waste.

It races by unbelievably fast … and seems to pass even more quickly the older you get.

That’s why we need to make the most of every second, minute, and hour we have. It matters that you spend them in the best and fullest way possible. You deserve nothing less.

Perhaps you’ve not yet come to appreciate just how precious your time here really is.

Hopefully, when you do, it’ll make a huge difference to the way you live.

You see, while most of us know that life is too short, very few of us go that one step further and allow that powerful fact to guide our everyday living.

It’s only when you do this that you open up the potential for great things to happen in your life.

A Lesson It Took Nearly 20 Years to Learn

When I was 12 years old, I was rushed into hospital with a burst appendix.

As I was taken away to be operated on, the doctors said that I was very lucky. If I’d been even an hour later arriving in the Emergency Room, there would’ve been nothing they could’ve done to help me. The poison was spreading throughout my body. It was serious.

Thankfully, the medical team saved my life.

My recovery took over six weeks and I couldn’t do the things I’d normally get up to like going to school (hurray!) or playing with friends. All this was extremely difficult, confusing, and frightening for a boy who was still not even a teenager.

You’d think that such an intense ‘near miss’ experience would have drastically changed how I viewed life from then on; that I’d seized life and given it 110% ever since.

This wasn’t the case.

I guess I was too young back then to understand what had happened at a level I could make sense of. The following years came and went without me caring whether or not life was too short.

Then, when I turned 30, I finally got the message. Over the years in between, I’d become overweight, unfit, and unhappy with things. After a few weeks of asking myself some serious questions, I found the key to changing my life.

It was actually quite straightforward  – it dawned on me again that life is too short to waste. Deep down, I knew that I was squandering my life by living in a way I wasn’t happy with. The two-decades-old lesson was sinking in at last.

With this refreshed attitude in mind, and along with a lot of hard work, I managed to revamp my lifestyle and improved my health and how I felt massively.

It might’ve taken all of 18 years to learn the lesson, but it finally hit home.

I’m sure you’ve got a variety of stories to tell of how you’ve come to appreciate that life should be grabbed with both hands. I’d love to hear them.

I’d like to share a few inspirational quotes in the hope that they’ll give you encouragement to get as much out of your life starting from now:

10 Quick But Meaningful Quotes to Help You Start Living Right Now

1. “Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you’ll be right.” ~ H.H. “Breaker” Morant

Far from being a sad and depressing attitude to have, admitting to yourself the reality that we will all have a ‘last day’ is incredibly liberating. You stop wasting time and begin to see both the meaningful and the trivial in a new light. If you let it, this new perspective can encourage you to spend your valuable time in more meaningful and satisfying ways.

2. “Go for it now.  The future is promised to no one.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Don’t put off until tomorrow those things you should really be doing today. We can always come up with an excuse for not getting round to something we’d rather not face – for whatever reason. You delay because it’s too difficult, too emotional, or even too boring. While you hope you’ll get another day, you can never be sure. Deal with the really important stuff first, today if at all possible.

3. “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.  It’s the life in your years.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

Life may be too short, but you can pack a huge amount of good things into it if you try. It’s got nothing to do with age and everything to do with your attitude. A 25 year old can have many more worthwhile experiences in a shorter period than a 52 year old – and vice versa – if they’ve got a ‘live to the full’ mindset.

4. “I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see.” ~ John Burroughs

There is an endless number of things we especially want to do with our scarce time. However long we may think time stretches out before us, we usually find that there is never enough hours in the day to get round to them. Don’t let that put you off. Just go do as many as you can squeeze in!

5. “Begin doing what you want to do now.  We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake.” ~ Marie Ray

Are you waiting for a better time to come along before you act? When you find yourself postponing those steps you want to take, think again: this moment could very well be your ideal chance to succeed.

6. “Life is always walking up to us and saying, “Come on in, the living’s fine,” and what do we do?  Back off and take its picture.” ~ Russell Baker

Most of us would agree that it’s essential to put in all we have to get as much out of life as we can. But, in real life, many people don’t ever totally commit to doing this. It seems that we believe the notion of ‘maximum living’ is a no-brainer, but find it difficult to adopt for ourselves. Don’t wait on the sidelines of life looking on as a bystander – be an active participant.

7. “Life is not long, and too much of it must not pass in idle deliberation how it shall be spent.” ~ Samuel Johnson

Sometimes, we like to over-complicate and over-contemplate our lives to the point that we’re no longer able to see the obvious. Try not to think so much about what you should do or you’ll end up doing nothing. Be more spontaneous.

8. “You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die.  Or when.  You can only decide how you’re going to live.  Now.” ~ Joan Baez

There are two options: You can either live life to the full or not live life to the full. It’s your call.

9. “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” ~ Author unknown

Far too many dreams go unfulfilled. Countless ambitions remain unexplored. Goals are left unachieved. All because those who had them never got round to doing anything. What a wasted opportunity. Never be that person who didn’t at least try.

10. “Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite.  Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance.  Everyone is just waiting.” ~ Dr. Seuss

As always, Dr. Seuss states it simply and puts it best: What exactly are you waiting for?

Life is too short.

It’s all so brief, and far too quick to pass.

There’s so much to experience but not nearly enough time to do it all.

You know all of this already, but do you live as if you do?

Why not start today?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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Life is jam-packed full of learning experiences, isn’t it?

We’re always finding out new stuff about ourselves, other people, and our understanding of the world around us. Some of these discoveries alter our basic approach to life, while others we choose to ignore.

You might be going about your everyday business when suddenly you have an ‘A-Ha!’ moment. A flash of fresh insight that fundamentally changes the way you view things. Forever.

Occasionally, major revelations strike from out of nowhere like bright bolts of lightning. They illuminate your existing attitudes and beliefs to such an extent that you can never again see life like you did before.

For most of us, though, it’s a far less dramatic affair. We usually have slow-burn realizations that dawn on us during the normal experiences of living. Yet even these gradual understandings can radically shake up your world.

I’d like to share with you 10 little revelations that have really transformed how I think about life.

1. Never apologise for who you are

Do you often find that you say sorry for not being who other people want you to be? Perhaps you don’t have a lifestyle they approve of or maybe you disagree with their values. It could even be that the person is so narrow-minded that they simply dislike you because of your personality or appearance. It’s hurtful to be rejected for being yourself. But, it’s just as destructive to change because someone else requires you to. Constantly trying to please everyone will always leave you feeling unhappy and under intense pressure.

Remember that you’re allowed to be just who you are right now, without having to justify or explain yourself to anyone.

2. It’s OK to put yourself first

From a young age we’re encouraged to be helpful and attend to others. As we grow older, however, it’s easy to lose the balance between looking after ourselves and caring for family and friends. We devote more and more of our time and attention to the needs of those around us and neglect our own. Eventually, everyone suffers because you’re too exhausted and stressed out to cope. It’s essential that you invest in yourself first so that you can be a source of support to those that rely on you.

Make your own care a top priority then you’ll be well-equipped to give other folk the attention they need.

3. Ordinary people can do great things too

I used to think that only geniuses and superheroes could achieve fantastic things in life. Or, at the very least, I felt that to have any success you had to be a totally go-getting, risk-taking, all out entrepreneurial maverick. At heart, I’m a cautious, down-to-earth kinda guy. My personal experiences, though, have shown me the potential that comes when you take positive action – even if it is only one step in the right direction. Extraordinary things are happening around us every day … all achieved by ordinary folk like you and me.

Believe that it’s possible for you to achieve big goals as well – if you put in the hard work.

4. Some things shouldn’t wait until tomorrow

It’s only natural that we plan and live out our daily lives safe in the knowledge that we’ll have another opportunity to do it all again the following day. Yet, this security can cause us to become complacent and put off certain things that we really should deal with today. What if we knew that tomorrow wasn’t going to happen? What would you do differently today? I’m sure that not many of you would race to finish that delayed report or rush to deal with the work in your overflowing inbox or in-tray. For me, when my dad died there were so many words that I’d meant to tell him but never did because I kept putting it off to another day, which never came.

Say and do those important things that really matter today … while you still have the chance to.

5. All you can ever give is your best

Are you putting yourself through a whole load of unnecessary pressure as you strive for perfection? It’s time to ease up and realize that there is no such thing as ‘perfect’. It’s an impossible quest and an unachievable aim. Think of this: when you give your best to anything you do, this is as close as you’ll ever get to it. But, instead of being an unambitious and defeatist attitude to have, it’s a completely liberating position to take: because your best is always good enough.

Be reassured that when you’ve tried your very best, there’s no more you can possibly do.

6. Do what you love whenever you can

Nowadays we’re encouraged to find and follow our passions in life and at our jobs. No one would argue with the worthy objective of loving what we do and doing what we love. Unfortunately, reality forces the majority of us to settle for the practical option of simply having to do what we must to get by … and to hang with passion! Don’t, however, give up on creating your ideal passionate lifestyle – there will be some area at sometime where it’ll happen.

Even discovering a mini oasis of passion in a desert of boredom and routine can be just the refreshment you need. Be on the lookout to do something you love at every chance you get.

7. You’ll always feel second best

Who’s got the best car, the most money, the greatest success? We all like to know how we’re getting on in relation to our friends, neighbors, and peers. Comparing ourselves with others can lead to healthy competition except when it provokes jealousy, resentment, and associated unhelpful emotions. It’s difficult not to feel slightly envious at someone else’s good fortune. In comparison to another person, we often find it difficult to remain objective about our own performance. I gave up judging myself against the benchmarks set by others because I was never satisfied with what I’d done, which isn’t constructive on a regular basis.

Keep your eyes firmly focussed on your personal journey in life, and you’ll always be doing well.

8. Playing safe keeps success away

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to us going after what we truly want in life. The fear of failure, of looking like a fool, even the fear of success itself can prevent us from reaching out towards our goals. In the past, I was never a fan of taking risks, preferring to avoid situations where it was difficult to predict the outcome. But, I knew deep down that, if I wasn’t ready to take a risk and venture into the unknown from time to time, I was unlikely to get a hold of my dreams and ambitions.

Your comfort zone might appear to be a safe haven from the fear of failure, buht it’s a place where success also rarely visits.

9. Yes, you can beat self doubt

Confidence is a precious commodity that few folk possess in abundance. Everyone suffers from wobbles in their self belief. It only becomes a problem when it starts to limit what you accomplish in life. There’s no need to be a victim of a lack of confidence. Anyone can beat self doubt by using the right tools and techniques. I’ve found one of the best antidotes to confidence issues is to put on a brave front and face up to whatever it is you doubt about yourself. Of course, it’s a solution that pushes you right out there into uncomfortable territory – but it’s well worth it.

Self doubt can be healthy when it spurs you onwards and upwards to ever greater things, but it needs to be deal with when it paralyzes your enjoyment of the fullest riches of life.

10. There’s never a good reason to beat yourself up

It never fails to shock me how cruel we are to ourselves. We indulge in such self abusive thoughts that we’d class it as bullying if we overheard the words being spoken out towards someone else. All because we’re fallible and imperfect and human. It’s as easy to be positive as it is to put yourself down, so why do we prefer to engage in all this negative self talk? About 10 years ago,  I recognized the damage I was inflicting on my self image when I was overly tough at not being able to adopt a healthier lifestyle. After I gave myself a break and stopped sabotaging my own happiness, I finally lost weight and got fit. Being kind to yourself is the ultimate gift of freedom.

Learn to accept and appreciate each aspect of who you are: all your strengths and weaknesses; the parts you love as well as those you dislike, and all the mistakes and triumphs. It’s this complicated mixture that makes you unique – and that’s definitely a fact worth celebrating.

What matters isn’t how tiny or massive the revelation is, but the power it has to transform how you view your life. Even small, seemingly insignificant events will have a big impact – if you let them.

I’m sure you too have had more than a few ‘A-Ha!’ moments during your lifetime.

What would you add to the list above? Which little revelations of your own have changed how you view life? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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This is a guest post by Skellie, who occasionally blogs at Skelliewag.org.

A million dollar business, a successful website, a blockbuster movie and a top-selling product all have one thing in common: they begin with a great idea.

The question is: How do you have great ideas? Do you have to wait for a flash of inspiration, or a spell of good luck?

The answer is no. Luck has very little to do with it.

In this post, I’ll examine eight tried and tested methods that some of the brightest minds in history have used to have breathtaking ideas.

The good news is that you too can start using each of these techniques today.

1. Focus on opposites

When something becomes extremely popular, the opposite often also becomes popular, as people turn away from the mainstream. The “Twilight” novel series has become extremely popular, with its chaste and noble vampires – then the popular TV series “True Blood” emerged, based around vampires that are abusive and lustful.

The opposite of a great idea can often be another great idea.

Think of how you could retain the great aspects of your favorite ideas, while doing something that’s completely opposite. For example, so many web apps are about engaging with the largest possible number of people – why not create an app about engaging extremely closely with a small circle of friends? So many gaming websites are filled with short news articles and humor – why not create a site that publishes long, serious articles only?

2. Create variations

Take one idea and split it into all possible variants. If you have the idea to start a blog about cutting edge science, take some time to think of all the possible variants. What are the topics within science? What are the different ways you could cover them? What platforms could you use? What angles could you take?

3. Find a great idea, then change the context

Find an idea you already love, and think about how it could be applied in a different context. Take a great blog post from one niche and use the same formula in another niche. Take a classic sci-fi plot and adapt it to a political thriller. Take the best aspects of a social bookmarking web app and apply them to your email app.

As the saying goes: there are no new ideas, only new contexts.

4. Approach idea generation like problem solving

Having a great idea is a lot like finding the solution to a difficult problem. Though some of history’s greatest problems have been solved in a flash of inspiration, most were solved after days, weeks or months of hard work and relentless trial and error. Most great ideas come about in the same way.

You should be prepared to sit down and work at having ideas, and improving them. Famous novelists often say they are perplexed by the question “Where do you get your ideas?”. The plot of a book never appears fully formed in their mind – it starts with a little idea, maybe a single scene, a character concept, or a beginning – and after lots of work, is refined into something much more complex. If the author works hard enough, it may even become a great idea.

5. Have ordinary ideas, boring ideas, and simple ideas too

A great idea is usually an ordinary idea given the chance to grow. On paper, Google could have sprung from a very ordinary idea: ‘a search engine that works well and quickly’. Facebook from ‘A site where friends can communicate with each other’. These probably sound like the kind of ideas you could have without much trouble, and which many people probably had the same ideas even before Google and Facebook existed. The ideas themselves can be boring, simple, ordinary – it’s what you do with them that matters. With the right execution, a simple idea can evolve into something great.

6. Ignore everyone

Well-known TV writer Jane Espenson (Battlestar Gallactica, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) told an audience at a recent conference in Australia: “Don’t write for an audience. Write what you want to see.”

At first glance, the advice sounds slightly controversial – but let me explain it a little bit more. If we don’t create for ourselves, we’re inevitably creating for an imagined audience. We can’t be them, so we’re forced to make assumptions about what they want. And often these assumptions are wrong.

But if we create ideas that we’d like to see, TV shows or episodes that we would watch, stories we’d read, websites we’d visit, apps we’d use, businesses we’d frequent, we can never be wrong about our audience. Nor will you be wrong about the hundreds, thousands or millions of people who share similar interests to you.

7. Consume consciously

A well-known children’s writer once said that fairies are everywhere around us – we just never take the time to look for them. Though fairies don’t exist, ideas definitely do – but we often approach them in the same way. We read the newspaper, watch TV or scroll through our favorite blogs with a consumer mindset, not a creator mindset. We’re not looking for ideas or lessons we can learn – we’re consuming the content at a surface level. Once you start to look deeper, there’s so much that can be learned from the work of others. Start actively looking for ideas in your favorite TV shows, books, blogs and magazines and you might be surprised at what you find.

8. Never lose a single idea

The one constant rule of having ideas is that the idea is always accompanied by the thought that you will definitely remember it. How many great ideas have you forgotten? Well, you probably don’t know – that’s the point of forgetting. You’ll often hear the advice to carry a notebook with you everywhere. I don’t actually agree that this is the most important thing and, besides, notebooks can be heavy. Instead, carry a pen with you everywhere, and there’s always something around to serve as a note-taking surface in a pinch (a business card, a napkin, your palm, and so on).

Try out one – or all – of these 8 techniques and you’re bound to have brilliant ideas!

How do you come up with great ideas? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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Do you ever feel as if you’re being torn apart by the demands other people are making on you?

All day, every day, from many different directions, it seems there’s always someone asking for your valuable time and precious attention.

You don’t say “no” because it’s what they’ve come to expect of you. You can’t turn them down because they rely on you. They all do.

It’s relentless. Everyone wants a piece, yet there’s only so much of you to go around.

Your own experience of life is gradually being lost, a forgotten victim of the compulsion to put other people first.

In the end, no one benefits from you allowing yourself to be pulled left, right and centre by countless folk wanting a part of you.

Are you giving away so much support to others that you’re neglecting your own wellbeing?

If so, both you – and those who lean on you – would gain much from you showing yourself a little more care.

At times, I’ve felt frazzled and exhausted by trying to attend to other folk’s needs. I’m sure you know what it’s like. As soon as you finish dealing with one person, along comes another request for your attention. Your own plans go out the window.

Often, all you really want to do is to cry: “Leave me alone!”, though you daren’t say it out loud. People would be hurt and horrified.

Despite how worn out you really are, you bite your tongue, do what’s required – and again focus on what’s going on in their lives, while ignoring your own.

Why We Give Too Much to Others

There are conflicting demands thrust on all of us from a range of sources. Partners; family; parents; friends; colleagues, the boss… the list goes on.

Each of them looking for one more thing out of us.

With most of these people, there’s an expectation that we’ll give them our full attention, when they ask for it. We view it as our job to be available for them whenever they call upon us.

We can feel (or be made to feel) extremely guilty if we even think of giving less than our total commitment to these people. This is despite any negative effects on our time and emotional health.

• It’s a parent’s job to pour everything they have into their children

• It’s a child’s job to devote themselves to their parents

• It’s a friend’s job to be there for a friend in need

But, what happens when meeting all of these responsibilities leads to you being left with scarce energy to care for yourself – should you simply accept that tending to your own life comes second?

Don’t ignore the fact it’s also an essential duty to look after ourselves properly. Are you taking that job as seriously as your sense of obligation to others?

Pushing your personal worries and desires to the back of the queue is a selfless act when someone is searching for your help. It’s a much-needed sacrifice we all make.

It’s never selfish to care for yourself, though.

To Give Value to Others, First Invest in Yourself

When you fall into the habit of constantly giving your needs a lower priority than other people’s, you’ll likely not bother with them at all. Once you’ve dealt with everyone else, there’s not much time and effort reserved for you.

How can we be of any value to someone, if we fail to value ourselves?

That means exploring your talents and skills. Maybe take a risk or two. Doing anything and everything to improve your experience of life.

We’ve surely got to nourish our own existence in order to sustain others?

It’s similar to keeping a healthy bank account. Withdrawals are taken out all the time and funds soon run low. Without sufficient deposits of incoming money, the account is frozen. An empty bank account is pretty useless to anyone!

On occasions, you’ll have to say “no” and take steps to put yourself first when the demands on you become too great. Doing this may be difficult because you’ve never had to draw the line before.

Protect your future enjoyment of life by showing yourself the same care you usually keep for others alone.

You deserve it.

How are you coping with the demands other folk make on you? Do you find it a struggle to find time to care for yourself?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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Are you tired out trying to be perfect, instead of just being happy to do your best in life?

If so, it’s time to ease the stress and stop your endless pursuit of perfection.

Chasing perfection is exhausting.

We put ourselves under unbearable pressure when we aim to be the perfect version of who we are.

And, this quest can only bring disappointment… because being perfect is an impossible dream.

For many years, I wasted far too much time and energy trying to be the perfect son/ pupil/ student/ employee/ friend, etc. I’d go above and beyond what was necessary so I could achieve what I thought was perfection in these areas of my life.

I held myself up to sky-high standards that no one else judged me on. I didn’t want to be less-than-perfect in anything I did.

These were precious moments which would’ve been so much better devoted to being myself.

That is, someone who does their best, rather than someone always trying to be perfect.

I realized that it’s ok not to be perfect, because doing your best is good enough.

Are You a Perfectionist?

I guess you could call me a ‘recovering perfectionist’.

There are many people out there who’d say they were perfectionists. Maybe you’re one as well.

Perfectionists don’t simply want to do their best. No, that would be far too easy.

They want to go beyond what is seen as exceptional. Yet, even this will never be enough. For  perfectionists are never content with what they produce. They think they could always have done a better job in some way.

No level of achievement can ever satisfy the perfectionist.

The Pursuit of Perfection is a Wild Goose Chase

It’s like hunting for the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Perfection is an illusion.

We have a vague idea of what ‘being perfect’ looks like but, when we get close, the idea moves somewhere else. The bar keeps getting raised, and the goalposts are forever moving.

We can never catch up with perfection, never have it in our grasp.

This is why constantly going after perfection is a great strain on us, both physically and mentally. There is no break from pushing yourself on. No chance to be happy with what you’ve done.

If you always try to be perfect, doing your best is never good enough.

Giving Up On Perfection Doesn’t Mean Settling for Less

Some people might say that it’s selling yourself short not to strive to be perfect in life; that a person lacks ambition if they don’t seek personal perfection at all times.

But, when does the perfectionist ever stop seeking a higher level of performance? When have they ever done enough?

I’m not suggesting you aim low in life, or that you don’t try your utmost to get what you set out to achieve. You should always put your heart and soul into everything you do.

Being half-hearted will only ever give you less than 50% of what is possible.

What I do think is that having an attitude where being perfect is the only option will inevitably lead to unhappiness and a lack of fulfilment in life.

Think of it this way: When you set yourself the target of doing your best, you will never fall short. If you’ve tried your best at something, you’ve succeeded in trying your best – no matter what else happens. Any other desired outcome follows on as a result of this fact.

You might not get the good result you hoped for, but you still did everything you could. That can’t be taken away from you.

This can be a great comfort to us.

When things go wrong, at least you did your best.

I’m sure you’ve consoled yourself with this morale booster many times. It has a bitter-sweet taste, though it still remains true.

When you give up on trying to be perfect, you gain freedom.

You can rest reassured with the knowledge that you did everything you possibly could to achieve a positive outcome.

No one – not even you – should expect any more from you than that.

What do you think about the pursuit of perfection? Is doing your best in life good enough?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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Have you given up on any hopes and dreams you once had?

Sadly, we all have at one time or another.

It can be a struggle to keep them alive throughout the ups and downs of our lives.

Think back to when you were 10. As a kid, perhaps you wanted to be a superhero or a superstar, a princess or a prince. Whoever it was you were going to grow up as, it would be someone spectacular.

Those were the glorious days when the only limits on what you could become were beyond the boundaries of your own imagination.

You see, you weren’t born with low expectations of what you could achieve in life.

Then, one day, you started to expect less.

Anything was no longer possible for you. Or, so you began to believe.

Expecting Less

It’s only natural that many of our childhood hopes and dreams wither away. After all, not everyone is destined to become an astronaut and walk on the moon!

Some people say that we simply have to lower our expectations because that’s what ‘real life’ is all about. They argue that hopes and dreams are warm, fuzzy ideas that vanish in the cold light of reality.

Of course, we’ve all experienced the pain of being let down when something we’d hoped for never comes to pass. And, very few of us have escaped the shattering effects of a broken dream. These feelings can leave us devastated.

Our hopes and dreams can, indeed, be cruelly dashed.

We prefer to protect ourselves from disappointment by not raising our hopes and not daring to dream. It saves us from being hurt.

We stop hoping for so much.

We don’t dream as often.

We expect less.

When Expectations Are Not-So Great

Your hopes and dreams can come true. It happens to other people all the time so, why not to you?

If you no longer expect them to become real, you give up on making them happen.

Unlike in fairytales, hopes and dreams don’t just magically appear out of thin air. They take planning and plenty of action. Nothing worthwhile is created without effort. Sometimes, it takes an entire life’s workload.

But – when you lower your expectations of what is possible – those things you once thought you could do now seem impossible to achieve.

So, you give up and don’t even try.

Like that 10 year old kid you once knew who dreamt of becoming someone spectacular.

We all know someone who gave up on their hopes and dreams far too soon.

Don’t abandon yours without giving it your very best shot.

What hopes and dreams do you have that refuse to go away? How have you turned them into a reality, despite setbacks?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ”tomorrow” on the calendars of fools.” ~ Og Mandino, American essayist and Psychologist

We’ve all felt the frustration and bitter disappointment of putting off until tomorrow something we really wanted to do today.

Perhaps, it’s a life-changing decision you planned to make. Or, a much longed-for dream you were about to turn into a reality.

Maybe, it’s just a small step forward you were going to take – but an important one in the right direction to achieve that special goal. A little thing to others, but a big deal to you.

But, as another day comes and goes, you’re still as far away from taking that action as ever.

An opportunity is missed. Yet, it needn’t be like this.

You woke up this morning with great intentions.

You promised yourself that the moment had finally come.

But, something got in the way again.

Why Didn’t You Do It?

The excuses sound reasonable – even believable – because you’ve convinced yourself that they’re true:

• I’m not ready

• I’m too busy

• I’m not strong enough

• I’ll never succeed

• It’s too hard

• No one else believes in me

But, these reasons apply at any time – whether it’s today, tomorrow, or next week. Deep down you already know this… because you used these excuses only yesterday, and a hundred times before.

What excuses are you using not to do it?

What if Tomorrow Was Cancelled?

For some folk, unfortunately, tomorrow never comes. The plan is unfulfilled; the relationship goes unmended; the idea is never realised, those words remain unspoken.

I meant to tell my dad that I loved him, but kept putting off saying the words. He knew it, I told myself, and – anyway – grown men don’t say that kind of stuff to each other, do they?

Eventually, I did let him know how much I loved him… as he lay in a coma, just before he died.

At least I did it. Better late than never, though not early enough.

The routine of our everyday lives means we believe that there will always be another opportunity to do it tomorrow, a second chance to try it again.

That’s the ever-onward flow of our lives. We get complacent in the safe knowledge that we can try again sometime in the future.

But, we get tempted to always keep putting it off and so that moment when we finally act never arrives.

It happens to everyone, so stop beating yourself up. Don’t let your disappointment at  not doing it today trick you into believing you can’t – or won’t ever – do it.

It’s not impossible… and you can.

If not now, then when?

So go do it.

Today.

What do you really want to do today, but always end up putting off? What’s holding you back?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” ~ Paulo Coelho (Novelist)

Now, are you sitting there relaxed within your comfort zone, feeling safe doing what you’ve always done? Or is there something you really want to try that involves taking a risk – one that will land you slap bang right outside of what you’re used to?

Perhaps you’re torn between the security of doing something that’s familiar and the uncertainty of trying the unknown. It’s a scary place to be. So you end up not taking the risk at all.

The potential for success never materialises, nor does the possibility of failure. Nothing is ventured and nothing is gained – or even lost. You end up asking yourself ‘what if?’ and ‘if only’.

What can we do to make ourselves less cautious about taking risks?

Life is a Risky Business

A risk doesn’t have to mean a dangerous activity or a heavy gamble. Anything which takes us outside of what we’re comfortable with can be seen as risky.

Applying for a new job, setting up your own business, starting a new hobby, or even asking out that attractive guy or girl on a date are just a few things that involve some degree of risk. I’m sure there are many other kinds of risky actions that you’d like to take right now.

We’re meant to have change in our lives. No matter how much we try to reinforce our defences and build up the walls of certainty around us, change happens… and it’s going to happen whether you’re ready for it or not.

The Risk of Change

Most of us hate dealing with change. It’s reassuring to surround ourselves with people, places and situations we’re familiar with. Taking a risk involves deliberately introducing change into our lives. What we have now will no longer be the same afterwards.

We can never be totally sure whether the risk will have the desired result or if we’ll get what we want. If only we could guarantee the end result, there would be no need to worry.

A few years ago, when I worked as a civil servant, the opportunity came up to apply for another job. Even before sending off the application form, I was torn between whether to go for it or stick with what I was already doing. I really enjoyed my work at that time: my colleagues were fantastic and I was perfectly happy. Many times I asked myself whether it was even worth applying in the first place.

On the other hand, the new job would be an excellent stepping stone for my longer-term career. On balance, I decided it was far too good a chance to miss out on. I applied and, after a few interviews, got the job.

In the weeks before starting my new job, I constantly asked myself whether I’d made the right decision. Would I be able to handle the increased responsibility? How would I get on with my new workmates? My first day nerves were massive.

As it turned out, it did take a couple of months to get used to the pressures and challenges of the new job. The four hour daily journey to work and back was a killer. However, that period turned out to be the highlight of my career – I totally loved it. Any initial doubts that I had were unfounded, but I couldn’t be sure of this when I first decided to risk making the move.

No one can be certain that a risk will be successful – but don’t let that put you off trying.

Be Prepared to Take the First Step

Perhaps the idea of jumping outside your comfort zone with both feet is too much for you to do today. Naturally, you’re cautious about it, but you’d like to do something to see how it might turn out.

Here are a few tips to make it a little easier for you to take that risk you really want to try:

1. Face up to your fear of failure

The fear of failure is a paralysing emotion for many people. It stops you before you start and sucks the opportunity out of life.

Think about the reasons you’re so scared of failing. Is it because you don’t want to look like a loser to other people- or yourself? Maybe… but so what? You’re as likely to end up being a winner!

Allowing yourself to fail at something also gives you the chance to learn from the experience. Next time, you’ll be in a better position to apply the lessons of what went wrong. And, if you’re successful, you can repeat the things that did go well.

2. Focus on facts not feelings

When you’re faced with a new situation, it can be quite an ordeal. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by your emotions. Taking a risk is bound to make us feel nervous and uncertain. But, good decisions come when we take a long hard look at the facts, rather than on the way we feel at the time.

Try to be objective about what’s actually going on rather than on how you’re feeling about it. Just because you’re nervous about doing something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. If you take time to carefully consider the facts, you’ll be better able to decide whether a course of action is the right one for you.

3. Do your research

Take all the time you need to gather as much information as possible before acting. What seems to be a good opportunity at first glance might seem less so when you have more background details. If the risk has a financial element, consider what impact failure might have and whether you can withstand any potential losses. Be an angel treading carefully, rather than a fool rushing in.

4. Practice taking small risks

Entrepreneurs, for example, are in the business of taking risks – it’s what they do regularly. Some folk are used to the big risks which can bring even bigger payoffs. But, smaller risks can be as equally life changing.

The way to become more comfortable in taking risks is to start tiny so that you develop the mindset and decision-making skills which you can then adapt when it’s time to push the boat out big time.

5. Ask yourself: “How can I start now?”

There will be a whole series of tasks that need done as part of your risk taking quest. Some will be major actions that require your full attention, while others will only require minimal effort.

It can be daunting at the beginning. Don’t be put off by the scale of what lies ahead. Instead, break down the overall risk into mini-steps that build on each other. Focus on those things that need to be done right at the start. Usually it’s the very first step that is the most difficult – after you take it, things get easier.

6. Test the waters

You don’t need to burn all your bridges at once when you take the first step. Commit gradually to your course of action and wait to see the results. Then take your next step… and wait again.

Risk taking doesn’t have to mean you go in with all guns blazing. What matters is that you feel comfortable and confident in what you’re doing – and that you move forward at your own pace.

7. Think long-term

We’d all prefer for good things to happen today, this minute even. But, focussing too much on short-term results can lead to poor decisions regarding risks.

For a risk to be worthwhile in the long run, there should be concrete future benefits as well as any instant payback that might soon disappear. Give yourself a realistic time frame to see the impact of your actions.

8. Accept you don’t need all your ducks in a row

We can wait forever if we sit around for everything to be perfect before we take action. Don’t let the inability to know it all stop you from starting. For example, you might not be the whizkid expert in financial or business planning that you’d like to be, but you can learn these skills as you go along the process of setting up your own business – if that’s the dream you want to pursue.

Oftentimes, you can’t see the way ahead until you’re standing on the first step.

9. Just do it!

Nothing ever beats the possibilities that come when you take that first risk-embracing step. You can weigh up all the ‘what-ifs’ and possible outcomes imaginable but, if you don’t ever take action, you won’t ever see the results you so badly wish for.

Taking any risk calls for courage. It’s a brave move to deliberately invite change into your life. But even the smallest risk can get you big results if you’re willing to give it a go.

Have you any tips which help you take risks? What have you learned – both good and bad – from your experiences of risk taking?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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When was the last time you took the time to study your surroundings? Strange question, you might say, as you surely see the world around as you commute to work, visit the shopping mall, and generally go about your daily business. But think again… when did you take the opportunity to really notice and appreciate your local area?

At first glance, you might say that there’s nothing noteworthy about the place where you live. The buildings are uninteresting, the streets run-of-the-mill… in fact, you might even have forgotten why you’re a resident there at all.

It’s easy to become so familiar with our environment that we forget the value and benefits of living there. Don’t be so quick, however, to dismiss the uniqueness of your own neighborhood until you’ve viewed it from a fresh angle.

Increasingly, people are becoming disconnected with the areas in which they live. For example, most of us travel outside the nearby vicinity to our places of employment. Small main street stores are struggling to survive as folk drive past their front doors on the way to thriving out-of-town shopping centers. Another side effect of losing touch with our living environment is that few of us know who our next-door neighbors are, and even fewer speak with them on a regular basis.

Whether you live in a small town or the suburbs of a city, there’s a community waiting right outside your front door. Try to resist being cynical about the attraction of where you live. Instead, work on building some civic pride in the place you call ‘home’.

Here are six simple ways you can get in touch with the goings on in your neighborhood and reacquaint yourself with what makes it special:

1. Get Out and About

Leave the car at home for the day and go for a walk in the area as if you’re doing it for the very first time. What pleases you about the streets and green spaces? A great tip is to look upwards as you wander around – it’s amazing how much interesting architecture is above eye-level, which we never see as we hurry on our busy way with eyes firmly fixed on the ground.

Notice the routine aspects of your community’s life too, but don’t be critical of these mundane activities. You’re part of this place as well!

2. Pick Up the Local Newspaper

Instead of relying solely on national titles for your news, check out whether there’s a publication aimed at your area. Local newspapers are a first-class source of information on the latest events right where you live. You’ll find many topics of local interest and opinions featured, many of which you might not hear about otherwise. Also, the classified pages will be made up of ads for businesses in your locale which you can support.

3. Travel Like a Tourist

Imagine if a stranger visited your neck of the woods and asked you to recommend some places of interest to visit. You might struggle to suggest a list of sites worth seeing. Yet, I’m sure there’s plenty of local history waiting to be unearthed and the best places to start gathering details is at your library or tourist office. If your community doesn’t have a dedicated visitor center, try the central one in the nearest city.

View your neighborhood through the eyes of a tourist and explore the local area with an inquisitive nature. You can even take a camera to capture the sights and sounds you may have grown a little bored with. You’ll start to see those everyday people and locations in a whole new way.

4. Support the Neighborhood Economy

In these tough financial times, local businesses are going bust all over the place. Once-busy main streets are now full of closing down sales and boarded up storefronts. As budget minded consumers, we’re focussed on cheaper bulk buying which is why we tend to favor the big chain supermarkets at the expense of the local store down the street. Many small shops, however, offer great customer service and will go out of their way to satisfy their customers. Why not give them a try next time for some of the items on your shopping list?

5. Volunteer to Help Out

Local organizations and charities at a local level rely heavily on volunteers to do their work, and there’s never enough public-minded folk able to assist. As you discover more about your community and its needs, you’ll likely find gaps in the services provided to meet those needs. Instead of waiting for someone else to step forward to donate valuable goodwill and free-time, consider volunteering yourself. Contact local groups to enquire whether they need an extra pair of hands- most will be glad of the help.

6. Go Borrow a Book

We’re quick to complain when the neighborhood library, swimming pool, or other such services are shut down due to lack of public participation. But, when did you last borrow a book from your local library? When providers of these services believe that there is little support for what’s on offer, you can bet they’ll cut back the budgets and reduce – or close – these facilities. If you don’t use them, your neighborhood could very well lose out.

There are many ways you can get to know your local neighborhood or to become familiar with it again if you’ve lost touch over the years. Aim to play a fuller part in the daily activities of the area and you’ll enrich both your own life and those folk around who share your community.

What attracts you to live in your own neighborhood? How do you keep connected with what’s going on in your local community?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

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